It is indeed costing me a lot more to wake up early than before. Not only because I have not been able to cast away negative thoughts, but also due to not having tied up my loose ends. You see, I had never been able to buck the system of my family rules until I discovered they were harming me seriously. Irrespective of the fact that I was a spring chicken, I was already able to make my own decisions. However for some reason I have always had an insecure nature. None of my earlier decisions in life paved the way for achieving any sort of current success.

 

Today´s topic is in fact going to be insecurity. It seems as though all my problems had been on my lack of self-esteem. Why is that though?. I do not know for sure myself. I may have been a combination of the way I have been brought up and my brother´s constant annoyance. In fact, all the pieces hang together to show how much each dramatic episode in my life has misshaped my character. Thus, my aforesaid statements clearly prove that my upbringing coupled with the unfortunate experiences of my past have cause me to become a lone wolf.

 

If I were to watch all the vicissitudes of my life unroll once more, I would cry my heart out, Even though, it is true that I have made some progress recently, still do I have a long way to go. I want to get to the point in which I can shoot straight for what I believe and not be afraid of standing up bullies who want to put me down. Silence gives consent,  and I have been that way for so long than I am sick of it. Not to mention that perhaps I too jumped into the deep end of the pool without knowing how to swim, Notwithstanding, I can´t afford to look back now. I have two options at this point: On the one hand, I can disconsolately dwell over my past; on the other though I can keep striving to accomplish what I left undone. I think I´ll go for the latter. In the foreseeable future, I want to extol with jubilation one of my successes. Irrespective of how small it is, Thus, I have to make a go of my plans, and try not to think back as much as I can.

 

Lastly, I would say that I am not trying to demean myself by writing this stuff on my blog. As a matter of fact, I want to become stronger. My allure had always been my skill at English. Be that as it may, I yet have not been able to make good use of it. Hence, I have after a long time got a job as an English teacher. It indeed has cost me a lot to get. Notwithstanding it was worth it. This new job I have gotten will be a far cry from what I had been doing until now. I finally will be exposed to greater amounts of people than I am usually used to. Regardless of how hard it is going to be for me to get into the swing of things, it all will be worth it. While I still wait for God´s dispensation of justice towards the people who have hurt me, working on my goals seems a good way to keep my mind busy.