How to Move On and Find Closure

Today it was a really productive day. I woke up early as I had not done in a long time. I went over to have breakfast with my brother at his hotel, not to mention that I really had a great time with some friends from school I had not seen in a while. Besides all that, I have been bugging my friend David asking him English words all day long. By the way I heard this quote that says as follows: ¨It is easy to sow discord, but more difficult to sow kindness¨. That really struck me. Do I tend to complain too much about my life and not lift a finger so as to change anything sometimes. Further, as I have said countless times I have always used this blog so as to disclose my innermost feelings. However, it has until this date been extremely hard for me to express myself to people. Still and all, can I say that I have made a little improvement recently. What is more, a wise man told me that it takes all sorts to make a world. In fact, I am starting to realize how much I was losing out by not trying to accept the way I was and move on. Not that I want to oversimplify my problems now. Notwithstanding, still do I think I have mentioned them way too many times. Consequently, I wanted to talk about more interesting things. Insubstantial matters are not worth bringing up sometimes. Could I say that I have been trying not to throw my brothers´ help back in his face. Due to the fact that I have done that in the past, I am not willing to make the same error. Not only do I worry people who care about me by leaving them hanging, but I also get to the point of disappointing them. Besides, I cannot keep sloughing off my responsibilities any longer. Ergo, do I have to sort things out once and for all. Must I learn to put the past behind me and carry on. Have I been told a million times there is no rewind button in life. This is the time in which I have to make a mental note and start over from scratch. Perhaps by hashing plans out with a friend can I start having better results. It is just pointless to hang on to bad memories. Thus, the need for me to man up and incorporate a goal in my to-do list. Anyway, not do I have to turn into an effusive individual, but I seriously have to prioritize working on my self-regard before it is too late. I mean one thing is to be polite towards others. Nonetheless, another totally different is not to know how to disarm people who hurt you without being foolish. Finally, I would like to quote what I recently posted on my Facebook account: ¨Courtesy and courage are not mutually exclussive¨

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I had a lovely day, besides having been ill on Wednesday. To be honest, I did not think I was going to recover from my depression. Nonetheless, I have found new hope thanks to the new friendships I have made. The only thing I have left to do now is to keep practicing my English as much as I can, apart from praying and exalting the lord that is. Even though I have been over a barrel on countless occasions especially when I was in Canada, I did learn something out them. I know what kind of person I do not want to be from now on. Further, am I trying to reconcile myself to the hardships I must deal with due to my previous mistakes. Notwithstanding, life always gives you second chances. What is more, I do not want my friends´ patience to give out. To be honest, your personal life is not something you bandy about in front of strangers. That is why as I said before, I use this blog as a platform to vent my issues. However, I also try to give out advice whenever I can. Since my family has never been broad-minded with me; I try to make it up for my lack of validation and express my opinions here. Many a time have I tried to get better after doing unreasonable things. Unfortunately, most of the doctors I have seen have screwed money out of me. Only a few close friends have shown deep concern regarding my situation. Be that as it may, I do not want to draw them all into this. Further, the priority for me now is to try vanquish my fears and keep on with my treatment. I cannot be a wet blanket for the rest of my life. Moreover, I would not want to interpolate some random phrase at the end of this post. Ergo, I must speak my mind now. For starters, I should get in the habit of getting up early once again. Secondly, I cannot just let my illness die down, I must get the help I need in order to sort out my health. For now, God is the only one who can remit myself from my sins.  I still may bristle at what my family did to me in the past when I cogitate on it. Even so, I cannot carry on being a negative person who tends to be garrulous about his past errors. Will I be able to rise to the challenge life has set for me. Well, I could start off by avoiding smashing up things every time I get mad. It is up to me whether or not I want my kin keep directing me. By the way, my brother is coming over for Christmas and I must build myself up so as to rehearse what I am going to tell him. I do not want to come across as an asshole after many years of having altercations with him. Anyhow, watch this space. Who knows what I can achieve once I finally am over the hump. It may have been remiss of me not to take action sooner. Howbeit, I am doing it now.

Gary Marcus: It's never too late to learn something new

A good friend told me to he was going to issue me with a challenge. He told me to write about positive things so as to feel better. I does hit me between the eyes when I read a comment or anything I neglected reading in the morning. I start out pondering about the ¨what ifs¨. Anyhow, I also had a row with my dean last night regarding one of her employees. Since I had not complained about her negligent behaviour earlier on, every one thought nothing was wrong at school. Besides, I might add that my classmates did not say a thing cause they feared about their grades.

There are more important things to talk about though. It has indeed hit me between the eyes to see how much time I have been wasting throwing tantrums and complaining about stuff. Do I have to see at the other side of the coin. However it is not that easy after what I have done. I mean I have scared my mom to the point in which she thinks I am going to do something bad to her. Nonetheless, the least  I want to do is that. From now on I am willing to toe the line at everything I commit to do in the future. Not to mention that I must get in line and start working hard on what I want to achieve. When rumours start being bruited about you, thing get a little more difficult than usual. To be honest, all I have care about in the past years has been to enrich my knowledge of English as much as I could.

Unfortunately I have not get as much interaction as I wish I had. However, now  I feel ranged of my former existence. I am not the morning person I used to be. I do not go jogging anymore, among other things. I used to be set in my ways so to speak. Be that as it may, all that change the second I got sick. I mean I am still trying to get ahold of a time machine. Still and all, some friends would have preferred me to hold back on that comment. Moreover, am I trying to defuse my anger for not having checked on my email this morning. There was quite a few interesting info I missed out on for being reckless. Still do I resent having gone berserk last night. Even so, I was sick. Some do not seem to understand that. Irrespective of what I have done thus far, am I still alive and wanting to change. May I have never gotten the cane back when I was a child. However, I did got a lot psychological abuse from my next of kin.

Perhaps I am in fact slipping back as my friend said by focusing on the past. Thus from hereon in, I will do my best so as not to devalue myself and becoming a morning person again. Must I try not to allow doctors palliate my illness, but to cure it. Ergo, If I had to take pills for the rest of my life so be it. Only if I am minded so as to improve my health will achieve so. Lastly I would say that I must find a way in order to make my ideas intersect with each other and find that internal peace I seek.

P.S David, if you have got an anecdote regarding bullying, I´d love to hear it. I am still struck with that topic.

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