Life ins`t exactly as easy as  going down a slide. Not that I like to use tautology with words. Anyhow, letting  things slide wouldn`t help me. Thus, the need for me to chin up. By the way, I`m just gonna mention a few topics in passing. Since it`s my first school day. I hope I don`t fall in the habit of grazing on junk food. My body ain`t flecked with bruises anymore. Besides, I gotta get rid of this flea-bitten attitude. Rethinking my plans is the smartest thing I can do now. My mind was feeding on dingy thoughts. There is no time for more  dreary days though. Luck only smiles on the ones who try their best. To think that I was considering giving up the ghost. I accept my state of affairs with equanimity now. Besides, why should I let a bunch of losers keep living while I give up. I still gotta serve up lots of fantastic posts to my audience. To me, I`m a ghost of my former self. Back as a kid, I was more assertive. I gotta get back my mojo. Still I`m in a quandary right now. As I said before, I wanna become big wig. Moreover, going to Canada seems reasonable to achieve it. Many have frozen me out of doing what I love. Thus, some of those situations may have halted me in my tracks. Even though I know some folks  have had it harder than me, I haven`t created a tempest in a teapot.  I`ve got though rough times too. If I keep this attitude, I may become a reigning writer. I`m at my wits` end right now. Nonetheless, I never lose hope. Anyhow, I`m kind of slumping down in my chair back and forth. Furthermore, I`m putting my back into this. I might stop trying chasing shadows. Who knows? I can`t live under the shadows of fear all my life. I don`t want anybody else`s job to put mine in the shade. My shades of opinion vary often. I know first hand what it means to suffer cause your kin controls your every move. Besides, my mind is swathed in confusion. At times, I`d even want to send my folks with a flea in their ear. However I cannot afford to move out. I never was flippant about my goals. It just that my life got fucked up by my family from the start. If don`t solve my problems soon, I may end up being hoisted by my own petard. I wish I were making a drama out of a small issue I could have. Though, that`s not the case, I`m experiencing more a crisis  than a dramedy. No more changes could unsettle me now. Since most of those have left me kissing goodbye my chances of success.

7:02 is my record of waking up  after  having gone to bed at 4. I may not be omnipotent like God. Though, my passion for writing keeps me from being in a state of lethargy. Despite my doctor warning me off doing this, I can`t stop. Besides, I don`t want you to run away with the impression that just cause a few bruises I`m not able to jot down some words.  Moreover, my mom`s words still ring in my ears: ¨Get some sleep you naughty kid¨. Even though nothing cushioned the blow, I still could bounce back quick. Not that I enjoy pain, but I want my words to be rung out to you. Though they literally won`t. Besides, I`ll head right back to bed after this. I need my ideas to  get across. May I be kicking against the rules; though I can`t help it. Moreover, carving out a successful career cannot be achieved if I keep lying down in bed. Were I a judge, I`d railroad my friends for being connected so late on Facebook. However, nobody bulldozed me into answering them. It seems as if my body were self-regulating. When I`m down in the dumps I sleep in. Though, when I get hit by a car, I feel livelier than ever. Turning over the events of that night, I remember I went limping over to a nearby Starbucks. The cashier heard my story and felt bad for me. I tried in vain to pay him for an orange juice cause he wouldn`t let me. Anyhow, I`m done with my past. My mom always says "there`s the donkey back at the wheat" every time I rake over it. I still haven`t forgotten about my dream of rewinding my life back to the past. It seems as if my head is more sore than my instep. Everyone tells me that I`m dreaming on. Nonetheless, no wish is too crazy for me. Let`s see who laughs last after I get the time travel problem cracked. I don`t care if it takes me the rest of my life to figure it out; or worse if I have to become a physicist. Not only do I wan to make up for the lost time, but I also wanna achieve every goal I`ve thought of. For some time, I though people were leading me up the garden path when they told anything is possible. Now though, I do believe it. Besides, I don`t wanna be in a dead heat. Being the best means wanting to succeed as much as you want to breathe. I`m sick of reliving the horror of my past events in my dreams. It`s time to kick some ass. Next time I go through triage, I`ll be the one examining the doc. Before I die, I hope to carve on a tree my greatest success; or  I'd like be bombarded with a volley of questions by paparazzi about some breakthrough I make. On the other hand, It breaks me up how much time I've wasted worrying about the what ifs. I gotta break with the past. It's time to keep my wit around me and start moving on. Be that is it may, It won't be easy. Every strand of my future plan will have to be fundamental. There is no time in  letting anybody leading me from the front anymore.

I won't let my missionary zeal diminish. Even if I have to burn the candle at both ends to get what I want. My body won't burn out as long as I seek to reach my goals. There's no point over bearing disquiet about what might happen to me. Anyhow, this nonsensical bombast has gone on for too long. I'm off. Lastly I'd say I don't want my posts to be few and far between. OK time to go I've got hiccups. Not wanting to add any more redundant words, I hope my work gets hyped up one day. PS. I still wanna localize the SOB's car.

I feel better now. Thus, I`m faring well on my recuperation. Blowing my stack during that episode seemed helpful. Moreover, I am calmed now. Besides a few contusions, I´m OK. After having my X-rays developed, I can be sure nothing is wrong. Luckily, my acuity wans`t affected by the crash. My brother got on to me by phone last night. Anyhow, having a ship on my shoulder about my past still hurts more than getting hit. From now on, I`ll take on board safety advice. I wonder when will be the time in which I`ll be able to kick up my heels. Well, let`s get on to something more jolly. Maybe the bird has flown. Though, I still managed to kick out at his car. If I can stand the hot sun broiling us, I can weather this accident. Hoping I don`t bore with my turgid prose. I`m glad everything panned out well in the end. I just gotta keep working on my dream to become a preeminent writer. Believe me, depression can be more bruising than a minor fall . Remaining on a torpid state doesn`t help anyone. I've remained laggard and benumbed enough.  Anyhow, fall is coming, which means days will shorten. I don`t need a foghorn to wake me up each morning.  Trying to clear the confusion fogging in my mind, I`ll try not to let anything dull me. Giving primacy to unimportant things is pointless. I know I live in a dysfunctional city. However, hoping the gov ushers in a change in public transport is tiring. More cops should be drafted in to control buses. After what happened to me, I don`t wanna send myself to the gallows anymore. Besides, a crackdown on crime needs to be done here. Utilitarianism doesn`t apply in Peru. Al least I haven't got a hoarse voice at this time of year. Despite all the smog and the not equable weather.  Anyway, tinkering with my PC, I discovered I can make it work faster. That seems more utilitarian. 

Writing seems to be my ego trip. Back to my city's criticism. If one has to bear the brunt of a shitty life in Lima, blowing a fuse doesn`t solve the prob. Media should criticize our crappy transport instead of panning silly programs. Being on board for banning this nightmarish  form of commuting is OK. It`s too late to develop a solution to transport. Having a centralized government system is inconvenient. A crisis is developing day by day cause of a housing boom. Rumors have been circulating about a change of buses in October. By the way, I gotta admit I hate when loud noises prevent from working. That`s why I think I`ll be boarding up my windows. I`m on the horns of the dilemma about what to do. Whether or not I stay in Peru is up to me. Well, I`d have exhaust all I have left to go back to Canada. Not that I wanna horn in on my bro's life. Though, since I kind developed depression cause of his control, I can't disclose my opinions. Making the wrong decision could shorten my path to success I better take care of my turgid foot. Hoping I don't make the nonsensical decision of doing things in a rush again. Belt out a tune like no one else. Well, I  better get cracking. One more thing, trying to sever contact with my kin has brought me bad luck. Ergo, I suggest you guys better lead a peaceful life.

Yesterday I got hit by a car. It seems that was the cure to my depression.  My body may have been bruised, though my mind has not. Besides, I`m becoming a whiz at writing. However, next time I whiz through traffic I`ll be more careful.  Moreover, there ain`t cause for sadness now. Besides, it is time to take the reins of my life. I gotta confess that now more than ever,  I look at my city with distrust. I didn`t elect to be born in Peru though. Anyway, I`ve been wakeful all night. Still do I feel a little spent. The sole purpose for me keeping on writing is not to lose hope. I gotta learn how to rein in my anger. Besides, it`d be good not to whiz through things. What happened to me may have been a cause. Though, cause of the excitement I couldn`t jot down the license plate of the aggressor. Luckily, I`m quick on the uptake. So that, I started kicking out the car as soon as I got up. After this, I should not feel saddened.  Sometimes, watching a hokey movie can cheer you up. That`s what I`d been doing. Though, I failed to heed my kin warning. I haven`t taken any hiatus from improving my English. Even though this recent episode seems like the straw that breaks the camel`s back, I don`t see it that way. I just gotta avoid a rerun in the way I used to do stuff. If I ever wanna become a hotshot and not become a spent force; not only will I have to mistrust ill-intentioned folks, but I also will have to be more ebullient. Even though I remain in an equable mood most of the time, I lack that spark of humor. Anyhow, dissolving into tears doesn`t solve anything. Life allows us to take part in may reruns.  By analogy, just like we absorb calcium by uptake, we gotta learn to love ourselves. Also, I`ve realized I don`t have to account for what I do to anyone. Moreover, taking advantage of the uptake of chances that come across us is crucial. Now that I feel better, I might as well take part in a hokey pokey. Anyhow, I just hope to find a way to get on in life. Lastly, I`d say that I`ll keep to my promise and not give up.

I don`t know why I have prevented myself from doing the things that I enjoyed the most many times. Life is too short for that. I`m the kind of person who gets annoyed by ballyhoo and being forced to do stuff. However, having maltreated my folks for nothing really takes the cake. Though it seems unwarranted, you`d understand if you were in my position. Moseying on to wherever place you feel like is a good therapy. By the way, I hope that when my brother and I meet again, old hostilities don`t resurface. Creating a tempest in a teapot on something that  happened in the past is pointless. I know I`ll become a professional of good caliber if I try. Besides, life is grueling and punishing. Though, it always gives us second chances. Having a cookie-cutter life is up to us.

Needless to say, you gotta work hard to get what you  want. Besides, having something that lulls your anxiety once in while seems helpful. For instance, something I do to achieve it is to leaf through the pages of my favorite novels. Let me tell you that I don`t spin yarns about my life. Sometimes, you gotta bellow to let off steam. Moreover, we all need a boon companion to help us deal with the shit come into our lives. Brooding on past only makes things worse. If you believe that one mistake you make is gonna endanger the future of you life. Courage feeds on achievements. So that if you believe you can do something, you will. You gotta prove yourself determined to succeed to be noticed. No croon of technology is gonna help us realize what is good for us. Strong feelings submerged in your mind can resurface. That`s why it`s important to assert ourselves. Our problems are inextricably connected.

Sometimes our remarks need to be outright to have an effect. Being inextricably involved in an activity can make us forget out issues. I don`t wanna be part of the bevy of those insecure folks who cannot make straight decisions. Back in Canada my brother lulled into a false sense of security. I thought everything was gonna be OK with him. However, living somewhere under the consent your brother and his partner ain`t as easy as burping a baby. Moreover, I`ve never stood pat about any decision I`ve made. Anyhow, the word ¨gravy¨ doesn`t exactly mean cash you get unexpectedly, it can also refer to  a lucky strike. Just one of the connotations of such a word. Befere, I decided to uproot to Canada. I may not be a dissident, though I know Peru is worse than ever. Motivation is never fed to us by the media. Due to this, younglings don`t get the real meaning of educational entertainment. As an epilogue to this writing, I`d say that even though my kin never saw the handwriting on the wall about my health.

I hope what I tell feeds into your reasoning. If you see at the canopy of stars in the sky, you then realize that anything is possible. Instead of letting your negative thoughts spew out of your mind, keep a positive attitude. Pat yourself in the back for your achievements once in a while. Never be too greedy, remember what happened to Faust after transacting with Satan. For these posts to feed through more to you guys, I`d have to promote this blog more. Don`t forget to ever consider your work as a piece of art. As if an sculpture you made had been inlaid with gold.

I`m living to fight another day. Thus, trying to haul myself out of bed each time. I`m done being a knocker. Besides, I've got unbalanced cause of all the suffering I`ve gone through. I only focused on one activity and therein lies the reason for my failure. It`s not a good idea to pull all your eggs in one basket. It`s hard not to throw in the towel when you`ve undergone such depression. Besides, I would be able to curb my temper if I were more sociable. Living in frenetic way may not have solved all my problems, though it`d have kept me busy. I may have a deft command of English now, though I can`t use it all the time. I realize now my brother wanted me to be submissive. I`ve also noticed my reasoning was unbalanced. If I was penniless, any job would have suffice. Then again, English is my passion. However my family did not have enough cash to provide a better education for me. Anger surged though me after failing so many times to reach my goals. Moreover, ideas may diverge and converge, though something my brother never understood was that you gotta live and let live. I`ve been raked over the coals for not having acted on stupid advice. Several times have I had to embroider the facts of the stories I told my friends to cover up for my insecurities. Having a plan that covers all the bases is crucial after leaving high school. Though, parental control fucks it up. Many times have I thought on getting my own back on my kin. Though, I realized I was hurting myself with those lurid thoughts.
If you wanna breast the top, you gotta be strong. Having family inquests on my own mistakes has only made me waste time. Depression is something that can kill you. For instance, your muscles get flaccid from luck of food. Furthermore, I`m the kind of person who needs nudge to move on. Something I regret is keeping my own counsel. It`s beside the point how long it takes to recover. As long as I have hope. I just need a friend to crouch down beside. After having been  a mama`s boy against my will, I`m fed up now. My mom thought that snuggling up to me was gonna make me stronger. Out of all the strands of my ideas, going back to Canada seems best.  I remember now every time I was forced to do something stupid, I sputtered with indignation afterwards. What I should have done is simply say ¨¨no¨¨. On the other hand, I`d like to have a shirt with the word ¨¨don`t give up¨ affixed to it. Anyhow, being able to construct a logical essay under this strain is not easy. I hope tears won`t streak my face anymore. I`ll have to strike out negative thoughts from my mind. Reminiscing about the past, I recall that back in Canada I was aching for home. I gotta remind myself that in the race of life surging  past others runners ain`t easy. My last verdict is that you gotta love your kin to have good fortune. If god were to return a verdict of me after I die, It`d be of not guilty. There`s been an upsurge of mounting tension in my family. By analogy, if I wanna be like a company that returns lots of profit, I`ll have to assert myself. Finally, I`d counsel myself not to waste any more time. Besides, relying on a counsel of despair doesn`t seem right. Hopefully, some day in the future, a friend  of mine will nudge me and whisper ¨Look what you`ve achieved¨. Anyhow, I`ll go for a walk and  I`ll make sure I don`t wear anything clunky.





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It`s ironic how I left my aunt`s home even though I wanted a little more independence. Though, it`s done. I didn`t mean it as an artifice to trick my dad. I was just scared. Fear is something that kills.

A feeling of worthlessness permeated myself right after I left. It`s not easy not to be disheartened by our wrongdoings. However, my action wasn`t exactly that but a misdemeanor. I`ve always been imbued with a desire to be better. Nonetheless my insecurity prevented from doing so. I needed get this pain off my chest. Something I`ve noticed is that my life has lacked excitement. I`ve never been able to run amok with a group of friends in college facility. Besides, I was a victim of ostracism while I was growing up. Due to that I wasn`t able to get used to most of the schools I attended. A fear of death has been rippling through myself. Hopefully, I`m gonna have to exert myself to be successful. Anyhow, I still remember my brother exerting his authority to make me do things I didn`t want to in the past. Moreover, my mom always laid my skills on with a trowel ; making my brother think I was perfect. Anyway, no drinks I guzzle, no books I read, are gonna make me forget my mistakes. The way we are raised infuses our whole life. I`ve never been one of those who rampages to get in line for a job position. If you were to see my personal file, you would notice that I`ve always been pliable and withdrawn. That`s why, I`d propound more care in kids upbringing by their parents. I may be fucked up, but it doesn`t mean that our future generations have to be this way too. Finally I`d say that there has always been an emotional interstice in my being. Only if I learn to avoid my inscrutable expressions and assert myself, will I find peace.

 

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