It`s ironic how I left my aunt`s home even though I wanted a little more independence. Though, it`s done. I didn`t mean it as an artifice to trick my dad. I was just scared. Fear is something that kills.

A feeling of worthlessness permeated myself right after I left. It`s not easy not to be disheartened by our wrongdoings. However, my action wasn`t exactly that but a misdemeanor. I`ve always been imbued with a desire to be better. Nonetheless my insecurity prevented from doing so. I needed get this pain off my chest. Something I`ve noticed is that my life has lacked excitement. I`ve never been able to run amok with a group of friends in college facility. Besides, I was a victim of ostracism while I was growing up. Due to that I wasn`t able to get used to most of the schools I attended. A fear of death has been rippling through myself. Hopefully, I`m gonna have to exert myself to be successful. Anyhow, I still remember my brother exerting his authority to make me do things I didn`t want to in the past. Moreover, my mom always laid my skills on with a trowel ; making my brother think I was perfect. Anyway, no drinks I guzzle, no books I read, are gonna make me forget my mistakes. The way we are raised infuses our whole life. I`ve never been one of those who rampages to get in line for a job position. If you were to see my personal file, you would notice that I`ve always been pliable and withdrawn. That`s why, I`d propound more care in kids upbringing by their parents. I may be fucked up, but it doesn`t mean that our future generations have to be this way too. Finally I`d say that there has always been an emotional interstice in my being. Only if I learn to avoid my inscrutable expressions and assert myself, will I find peace.

 

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