I don't know what`s going on with me. Thus, I`m scared of offing myself. Besides, my past few aberrant actions have fucked me up. Moreover, I think I`ve been jinx by karma. My dad has always retorted my expressed intentions of committing suicide by being mean. Reminiscing about the past,  I remember that back as a kid, I wanted to be a colossus. Now, though, I am just a clown.  Besides, no comment coming out of my mouth can be trilled. I remember one of the things that made me happy was to warble my favorite songs in the shower. Of course I am scared of death, though it is the best solution. My riposte to depression has been to make it worse. Never did I try to look for social groups to solve my problem. I`m positive that being mean with my mom has brought me bad luck.
Withdrawing into myself has only made things worse. Not having much more to say, I`ll just think of a way to put an end to myself in the least painful way. I know one has to struggle on in life. I never had courage to do it. Having been rejoined all the time, my opinions have no value now.