I was actually in the process of feeling better again. Though, I had an awful argument with my dad. That alone tore me up inside. Besides,  I have growing apprehension that this may be the last post I write. Letting my tears run their course ain`t helpful anymore. Furthermore, over the course of my life, I`ve prevented myself from taking advantage of each chance I`ve had to be happy. Furthermore, I am not on course for motivation anymore. In the ordinary course of things, I would have not behaved as I did.  As well, No course of pills is going to make me feel  better. My soulful eyes explain everything. I just needed to unburden myself to somebody. Though they either called off our dates or ignore my requests. Perhaps, if I had trusted more the people I knew. Be that as it may, I didn`t look for help hard enough. I am not catastrophizing my feelings. I didn`t want to cause hysteria among my relatives by making stupid decisions. Anyhow, my bliss before was to burn the midnight oil. Having information at my fingertips may have been helpful. Though, I left aside my social activities. My writing may be fanning the flames of negativism. Nonetheless, I can`t help it.  Thus, I seriously may be in course of committing suicide. I feel hopeless. To unburden myself of depression seems impossible.

Back in my good days, I could burn the candle at both ends and don`t break a sweat. I feel  as if my dreams have been burned down; as if my wit can`t hold a candle to other competent students. I`d like a handkerchief that not only could wick away my tears, but cheer me up. Lastly, I`d say that I should have paid more attention to the idiom ¨A stitch in time saves nine¨.
 

when the shit hits the fan
when somebody in authority finds out about something bad or wrong that somebody has done
When the shit hits the fan, I don't want to be here.




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urology noun
the scientific study of the urinary system