At this point I can't afford to filter out bad friendships from good ones. Due to not having many anyway. Some have told me not to have my hands in many pots regarding my beliefs. However, since I am a beginner Christian I must look for wisdom. Irrespective of what's happened, I think there might be a way for me to fully understand the word of God. Despite the fact that my faith has diluted considerably due to all I've been through.

 

The precis of my life has been suffering. Not that I am exaggerating. Though, things have not gone off well ever since I was in high school. Hence, there is no reason for me to be stoked about anything in the foreseeable future. Have I been denigrated by my kin so many times. On top of that have I never severed ties with them, which ultimately made my condition even worse. To say nothing of the fact that I am indeed deterred by what's going to happen.

 

Did I never have the opportunity to be a high flyer, nor a snooty overachieving guy. Instead, I became a gruff and insecure man child who lessens himself without any sort of help. May I be appointing blame now for what's happened. However, I've got the right to. Having an unassuming nature is no sin. Still and all, having a domineering family is. Could I keep on flicking from subject to subject, looking for who was ultimately responsible for my undoing.  Could blame my brother who has always been governed by selfishness, or my mom who after losing a child did not learn a thing and went on being an obsessive old cow.

 

The truth of the matter is that as reluctant I am to keep living, I don't even know if it will make a difference if I do. Considering this past terrible week I've had. Not to mention my reticent demeanour regarding confronting people who had been rude to me. Have I been led up the garden path by my own fantasies.  Even so, have I also been reluctant in realizing the truth. What's more, have I been running up problems lately owing to not dealing with them right away. Be that as it may, can I not unload them onto anyone else. May my dreams have distracted from what I must do. Still and all, can I not keep letting my problems pile up.