Monday, June 29, 2015
I used to wake up at 5 AM almost every day to write an entry before going to school about two years ago. Now though, things have changed so much. Even though I feel that my knowledge of the English language has deepened, still can I not put it into practice as much as I wish I could. Not that I get off on Knowledge, but it does matter a lot to me. However, at the early stage of my learning my efforts were stymied by the decisions of third parties. Irrespective of the fact that I have tried to clear the air by talking about this endless topic with my kin, not much progress has been made.
Nowadays, do I try to plug myself into as many English activities as I can so as to find an outlet to forget about the past or express my emotions. Despite the fact that my hindsight is still not 20\20, do I believe to have achieved a better understanding on how to solve every single one of my problems. Consequently, if there was a magical way to rewind my life to the point in which everything started going wrong in my life, perhaps I could fix it. Be that as it may, do I have to be realistic. Many say to me: -Lean on God! As if that was not hard enough already.
For instance, let me tell you about something that happened recently. I attended this men fellowship meeting on Saturdays in which we share our thoughts on specific parts of the scriptures. Anyhow, there was this guy among us whom we prayed for due to him having respiratory complications. The following morning which I happened to attend the same church, I heard bad news from the pastor. It turned out that this guy had ended up in the hospital. Thus, one wonders sometimes, what about our prayers?. Where did they go?. Is God even listening to them?. This aforesaid comments are not meant to be scathing whatsoever. Still and all, I have the right as Christian to have questions about the reliability of our faith.
Lastly, I'd say that no matter what. There is always something we are going to fuss over. Call it work, love life, or whatnot. We are not meant to squeal in happiness all the time. Notwithstanding, there has to be a balance. Good moments VS Bad ones. Not to mention that we are not supposed to fly off the handle over every single thing that goes wrong in our lives either. Still though, sometimes I wish I could lower myself to the level of my enemies and give them a lesson. Albeit, the bible says: "Love thy enemy". Something hard for me to understand, but which at least makes sense at some extent. If you're not at war with anyone, you don't have to remain rattled about which move you are going to make next.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Do I still wonder if I can make a go of my life. Either by use of my singing or my writing skills. Well, that's beside the point for today's topic though. I've been thinking not exactly about whether it is time for me to reach a higher ground or not. I have no clue what brings these ideas on. I just know I have to write about them once I come up with them. Do I believe it is a much better idea to talk about stuff I think rather than just fretting over it. Irrespective of the fact that I may consider myself behind schedule for some things at this point, there is something that tells me I must go on. Besides, we all have a purpose on this life. Don't we?
Even though at first, I was reluctant over going back to therapy, a friend roped me into it. It has worked out well so far. Be that as it may, do I have to commit to going through with the treatment as long as I have to. Not only will the doctor phase out the meds once he sees improvement, he'll also tell me I will be able to take on even more challenges than now. Anyhow, enough about me for a change. What do you think about the question I raised earlier? Despite the fact that we don't always have an out of the box solution we can employ to solve our problems, do we still know we have a purpose.
It does not make sense that we were put on these earth for no reason. Most people only pursue their frivolous desires and selfish aspirations, whittling down their chances of being happy in the process many times. Even so, I am not saying that we should not have goals in life. We just have to learn to balance them out so as not to forget the other important things. Such as love, and health. By no means am I saying we should shunt our duties for later to make room for these aforesaid aspects either. Still, how can we bridge the gap between our desires and what is right?
Change is something that makes us quiver oftentimes. Still and all, once we get used to new things, we don't feel afraid anymore. Hence, I deduce the same happens when you try to find a balance between to different aspects. Sometimes, our creativity is stifled by the system of things. Thus, the need for change once in a while. Even if we think we have next to no chances of succeeding, one audacious decision made at the eleventh hour could still save us. Consequently, never cop out of anything you regard as right, even if the odds are against you.
Thursday, June 18, 2015
What do you believe? Have I already talked about this topic. Albeit, not in detail. Some think that tragedies is what chokes out their faith, other their sexual orientation, etc. Hence, we've got three types of people: Strong believers, those who constantly blow hot and cold regarding their beliefs, and those who don't believe at all. In this society, is it permissible to belong to any of the aforesaid categories. Nonetheless, some religious groups tend to act brusque against each other for the sake of argument. The same happens with atheists and believers. In the following post, I will juxtapose two different views as regards to this topic. Theists (Those who believe) and atheists (Those who do not)
Is it easy to drown out those thoughts that there is an almighty overseer with the opinion of others. Not to mention, that in order to blend in and avoid being ostracized by their social group, many hide their beliefs. It is apparent though that most people tend to see what is different instead of what is the same among their creeds. Is it normal for agnostics for instance to be incredulous about the existence of a god. Due to lack of 100% solid evidence to prove it. Even so, when you get to study apologetics, you come to the conclusion that any creation must have a designer. It is common sense. For instance, if I have a wonderful watch that can count my pulse, measure my blood pressure, etc. Is it easy to pull out the meaning of all of that is happening. Indeed someone must have created that awesome watch.
Things cannot just have popped out of nowhere. To say nothing of the complexity of the human mind and body. Is it logical to believe that someone created all we can see. Including the laws governing everything. From the movement of the earth around the sun, to the fact than most stars remain still.
Thus, if something takes root, someone must have planted the seeds. Common sense forces us to snap out of our stubbornness and scratch out all other believes, including the ones saying that the universe created itself. A friend of mine once told that he thinks God had the design for all the universe on his mind and in a matter of seconds he made it all happen. That aforesaid statement still makes more sense than believing things just popped into existence.
Anyhow, for now this is all I could bring to mind. If there is someone who started it all up, he himself can also finish it all off. Is it time now to wrap things up and try to blow away the cobwebs by practicing matutinal calisthenics as I keep recovering slowly but surely from this already mentioned countless times depression. Next time, will I come up with more topics that will make your minds spin for sure. Without using detractive comments against any creed of course.
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
Perfectionism, something many care about. Most perfectionists are finicky about their work and usually highly competitive. However, there is more to it when it comes to this topic. Body image, extreme or cleanliness are some other issues that this mind-set brings on. The expression "I'll cross that bridge when I come to it" would not apply to this people. They always do want to plan everything they do and lay out their tasks perfectly.
It stands to no reason to be that way though. Is it important to be orderly and responsible in what we do. However, everything has got a limit. People would be inclined to be that way due to past failures though. For instance, I am a kind of perfectionist when it comes to English. Owing to the fact that my kin held me back. Besides, I may be daft, but I'm not stupid. I know what if feels like when you want to know everything about a topic or when you start thinking on the what ifs all the time.
How do you justify this behaviour? Well have I given you some examples in the aforesaid paragraph. Even so, I might add that perfectionists are really fussy about one thing or another. To illustrate this point, let's say you are an English teacher. You're going to prepare a lesson plan for an advanced class for the first time and you study overnight for weeks before the class so as to study all the grammar contained in that class and try to go even beyond. That aforementioned example seems unhealthy for instance, even for a teacher. Hence there is no way of being ambivalent about it.
All in all, I would say that this type of behaviour can indeed cause mental illnesses such us depression, OCD, among others. Hence, the need to find a happy medium in your life. You could start by not glorifying your job for example. Sometimes, you have to stand tall where you are in life. Consequently, trying to block out those thoughts that you're not good enough to do something, and that you have to work extra hard to meet your standards is imperative. Like the speaker says in the video I'm going to share. Perfectionism can take away on other areas if you do not find a balance or put boundaries on what you do. Anyhow, to round things off I'd advice you to try helping a close friend as an experiment, who fusses you over minor things all the time just for the sake of balancing their lives out.
Monday, June 15, 2015
To start things off, would I like to say is that at one point was my self-regard propped up by what others thought of me. Is that analogous to not having your own identity. Nonetheless, have I dispensed with those beliefs along the years. Thus, have I changed things up a bit. Not that I am upbeat all the time now. Still and all, do I not tend to rub salt into my own wounds anymore. Not to mention, that my friends exhorting me to straighten up so many times has lastly come into fruition.
To say nothing of the fact that I yet have to exhaust all the chances I have so as to succeed. Moreover, as I've been told by a good friend, picking at your own mistakes and laying down in your burden only eats you up. Hence, the need to transition from one mind-set to another. What is more filling up your mind with good thoughts is crucial at any stage of your life. Indeed is it as important as the saying "Get back on the horse". Something that has cost me getting a raw deal due to my inexperience in life in my teenage years.
Not that I want overemphasize that my life has been hard on every single post. Be that as it may, I do want to point out that there is always someone who's got it worse that us. Have my setbacks spurred to go on. Still and all, it took me to reset my mind so as to accomplish it. Deep inside, do I still feel like flinging insults at my kin for what they did is still right. Albeit, forgiveness is something I do have to learn as a Christian.
Perhaps, my advice posts are a drop in the ocean compared to the tones you can find out there. However, do I always beat into my head the fact that this is in fact my passion and no matter what, I can't stop doing it. To round things off, I'd love to share one last saying with you "Good fences make good neighbours". Something my brother never understood. If you trespass on someone else's privacy and even get to push them around, you can really hurt them. Anyhow, do I promise, not to bring up my past experiences as much in the upcoming posts and to run through only the good stuff.
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Fellowship, something I never partook in until recently. You see, due to my family's overbearing control, I myself grew up to be a negative and withdrawn young adult. No matter how many times I would rake them over the coals, there is nothing I can do so as to rewind my life. Nonetheless, there is a saying that says: "If Mohamed won't go to the mountain, the mountain must come to Mohamed"
Hence, the need for me at that time to realize that I had to hold my ground and oppose my sibling and parents abusive demands. Be that as it may, it did not happen. Hence, my health aggravated little by little. Is it indeed essential, to spent quality time with people who share your beliefs.
I wish I could quit hitting my head against the wall, and stop raking over the past. However, no matter how many times I've tried to start over, either my mom or my brother would prevent me from doing so. Still and all, as I said before, I am done boring the heck out of you. I must say though, that if I had a nickel for every time they've given me an order, I'd be rich by now. Still and all, now that I am a late bloomer Christian, how can I muster up the strength so as to go on?. Is it hard to reconcile my desire to keep learning with my willingness to get healed.
Irrespective of how much it might irritate me, how many vicissitudes I've had to go through due to my kin's insane involvement in my life, there is no way I can't change the past. By the way, there is another saying that comes to mind: "If you can't run with the big dogs, you'd better stay on the porch". That aforesaid phrase mirrors how I feel every time I see someone who is ahead of me and I want to keep up with them. Thus, do I have to make up the time so as to learn all the things I have yet to discover. Since, I regard timing as the root of my problems, will I have to squeeze a lot of lessons into a short time.
Still, how could I lay out the groundwork so as to get into gear and find the right path?. There is no single answer for that. Even so, should I start by grovelling to God for forgiveness, due to all the hatred I've been harbouring for years. Let alone all the time I've wasted doing so. Ergo, must I keep a cool head from now on and start setting up the essentials for success. For now, I think they should be to schedule my tasks and retool my life. I'd be thunderstruck at what I can end up attaining if I set my mind to it.
Monday, June 8, 2015
My issue with English is par and parcel to not having learned it at the right time. Hence, do I have to max out my time at this point, so as to accomplish the things that I yet have not. For years have others been conducting my life. Be that as it may, is it time now for me to take the reins of my own existence, and act with enough aplomb and poise so as not to end up dangling myself off a bridge. May I have not been on my right mind when I thought about these things though. Albeit, oftentimes, our circumstances are what compel us to make the wrong decisions. Thus, the reason for us to tackle life on multiple fronts.
I don't know about my sibling, but I was inculcated from an early age into telling the truth. Thereby, I can guarantee you my posts are not made out of invented stories, but the bare truth.
As I have told many, there is no reason for me to lie since I have nothing to hide. For starters, let me tell you that going back to my very first post I have not uttered a single lie. To say nothing of the fact that there are enough reasons for me to keel over after all of the vicissitudes I've gone through. Still and all, can I not let this depression get over me.
Have many secrets come out of the woodwork regarding my brothers' lies once I started contacting some of his friends. However, is it by no means my intention to pull them away from him. Even so, since by the time I was living with him I used to close up so much, people thought things were right.
Deep down though, I myself knew someday would I have to speak out. What's more, the only way so as to detoxify my mind is going to be ensure people don't get the wrong idea about me. Might remaining silent take the heat off myself. Nonetheless, must I expose evil-doers as what they are.
Have my issues spiralled down a bit quite recently. You see, am I going to take up a small job so as to help out some girls get used to the Anglican church I am attending whom don't speak English. Is it a blessing indeed after all the time I had been frazzled regarding work. Notwithstanding, have I got a new chance so as to retool my life and shift my focus. If God gives me the strength to keep on, will I pull through until I attain something meaningful. Not to mention, that I don't want false rumours circulating about my private life at any point in the foreseeable future. To round things off, do I hope to keep stumbling upon chances so as to grow not only as a person, but as a believer as well.
Sunday, June 7, 2015
I wish I could sway you all into reading this blog. Nonetheless, do I tend to beat a dead horse bringing up my past too often. Still though, do I have this belief rooted in my mind that I still have a long way to go as regards to my English knowledge. Truth be told, I can't dissociate English from my private life. Owing to the fact that not only have I ended up gutted as to what I've amounted to so far, but also because I feel guilty about it.
Most Peruvian high school students have got their future mapped out before they even finish. Even so, that was not my case. Hence, did I have the right to explore. I knew I was good at English, be that as it may, I had never been properly incentivize so as to learn it accurately. To say nothing of the fact that I was pressured into taking a gap year against my will back in 2010. I remember it as if it were yesterday when I was hustled into a college I didn't even want to get into by my mom, owing to the pressure my brother erroneously put into her thinking it was going to help me in the long run. Albeit, do I not want to go down the same line again. You know already that this blog easily recapitulates my whole life.
Do I have to move on to other topics though. I don't want my audience to peter out. Besides, I don't want to muddy the waters regarding my personal life anymore. Not to mention that still, would I one like to give a run of the mill speech so as to encourage youngsters not to make the decisions I made in my earlier years. However, that will only happen if I end up healing myself by the skin of my teeth. What's more, would I not want to be superseded by another writer more capable of making you understand incomprehensible words. A starting point to solving the problem would be to keep being involved in church-wise activities. That way, I could at least reaffirm my faith by experiencing things first hand. Consequently, please do not take what I say with a pinch of salt. You see, at times, bad thoughts creep into my mind and depress me to the point of giving up.
Can things be shaping up better now. Still and all, have not yet got a stable job or anything to aim for. For now, do I depend upon meds and treatment so as to survive. Hence, must I stand firm in my beliefs and not let others push me around anymore. May I not be able to black all my nightmares out. Notwithstanding, what I can do is to stop being subservient to my kin. Irrespective of how many times I've bash them, do I still harbour a grudge towards them. Thus, should I pull together a plan so as to throw myself into as many activities as I can. Not only will that decision bolster my confidence, but it will keep me safe. Let alone the fact that I still remain a wet under the ears Christian who's got to read through the scriptures a lot more. Anyhow, not wanting to spin out this post even more. Must rush off now, due to having to attend an afternoon service. You see, those things keep me from emotionally snapping at times.
Friday, June 5, 2015
Not that I want to trespass on your patience, but I just wanted to share this last post about my complaints. For years, have I been having my kin shoving their beliefs down my throat. It's as if they would take all my decisions by the scruff of the neck. Hence, ever since my brother took over alongside my mom, my health took a nosedive. Even regarding my friends. My mother for instance, would tell me not to be friends with so and so due to his racial background. You see, am I not racist whatsoever. However, my extended family from my mom's side are.
To further illustrate my point, I would say that I would reject everything that came from this friend my mom rejected. Owing to the thought that he was inferior to me. Nonetheless, do I regret deeply not having stood up to her and keep him as a friend. On account of respect for this guy, will I not mention his name. Let me tell you though, that even though my mother busted up our friendship so many times; still do we remain friends to this day. Am I not apprehensive of talking to him anymore because of the simple fact that I have outgrown my mom's stupid beliefs regarding him.
In fact, he was the one who introduced me to English series, had I had one series stored in my drawer for years until I started watching it at 19. Nonetheless, do I still think how many years did I waste not watching it before. Have those TV shows helped me to expand my mind a lot. Not only regarding English, but in other areas as well. Consequently, can I not slip back into the old habit of trusting my folks at all. Do the few friends I have now urge me to forget the past; since I remain all wrapped up on it still. To be honest, psychological abuse can be a lot worse than having a bully cramming you into the locker in high school. Let alone the fact that I also resent the fact that my dad took the back seat regarding my health issues for so long.
Be that as it may, as they say "brevity is the soul of wit". Hence the need for me to round this post of. Not without thinking forward on what I going to talk about on the next one that is. Replenishing my mind with ideas is something I do on a daily basis. Ergo, would be hard for someone else to fill in for me had I not been able to write for some reason. You see, I tend to discreetly ask questions in every single class I attend so as to gather material. Anyhow, do I have some books piled on my desk I haven't read yet. Perhaps I could get some new insights on next time's topic. Should I have to make it good as a blogger someday. Without further ideas to touch upon I round off this post.
PS. The video I just shared is not exactly my case at all. However, I do have been through a lot of psychological abuse myself.
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Do I need to polish up my writing skills once in a while, needless to say that I have thrown my talent away for so long that I don't know how English comes out of my mouth. There is a saying though that is the crux for today's topic: "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me". In fact that saying applies to my life so much. You see, I never opened up my mouth when I should have risen up against my kin's control. Even so, my coy nature prevented me from speaking my mind at the right time. Hence, allowing my mom under my evil brother's influence to pressure me into making really bad decisions.
Was I not prudent at the time. Neither was I prudent regarding speaking out against my mom's decision when she did not allow me to join Christianity at first. Even though, I've become more sagacious as I 've grown older; can I never forget the countless mistakes I made due to keeping my mouth shut. Hence, I rebuke myself for my actions. In fact, have I quarrelled with my mom over my freedom on numerous occasions. Ergo, dare I say, that I must balance out my health first before I attempt any new endeavour. Is it pathetic though? That I am still stuck in this rut of guilt, as it were, even after all the advice I have got. To say nothing of the countless times in which my friends have tried to dissimulate their disillusionment at my regression. Consequently, getting my act together regarding my health is half the equation. The other half though, is more complicated to solve. Have got the assurance so as to get better if I do my best to accomplish it. Nonetheless, when it comes to work, there is no guarantee.
Have I been jobless for a while now. Regardless of how many times I have applied for teaching positions my full-blown depression has taken its toll on me during that time. Should I stitch together all I have learned so far and take a stab at one more try? Perhaps I should. I wish to succeed as much as I wish this blog to gain currency. Thus, will I have to make one last effort so as to attain my goals. By no means though, shall I think at this point that the writing is on the wall. Must I make amends with the past and feel deserving of one last chance. Irrespective of what I have gone through, should I muster up courage in order to dive into a new world. Even if it takes me piggybacking on my previous failures to get more clarity of thinking.
Is it over the fact that I wanted people to take pity on me. For now should schedule my priorities as best as possible so as to get the quickest results. What is more, should I put a boundary on people wanting to take up my time for nonsense. To close things out, I will say that once I might have been hoodwinked by my brother into cheating me out of my trust. Still and all, did I make concessions for him to take over my life. Some folk's opinion might be divided regarding this topic. Be that as it may, I am speaking nothing but the truth. Am I going to round off this post by saying I'll share a video about speaking with confidence. That being said, there is nothing more I'd like to add upon.
Monday, June 1, 2015
In order to achieve any challenging goal you have to go through the hoops. That is axiomatic. Hence, turning your nose up at any stepping stone that will lead you to success seems foolish. Albeit, do I still tend to whinge at how many times have I been prevented from taking those steps. On my previous post, I talked about how to take up arms against parental control. Something that sets the scene for today's topic. Had I not been beefing about the past so much, I would have been more watchful so as not to make the mistakes I regret the most.
In fact, unforeseen events have been the least of my problems. Once I realized that it snapped on me how much time I had been wasting not looking for solutions. To this day, I snarl at my parents for having been so overprotective. Let alone, the countless times I've blame my brother's evil and selfish attitudes towards me. Not that all the aforesaid statements are not true. Notwithstanding, I would have been better off in the outside world. That is to say, had I gotten into gear regarding my health issues from the get-go instead of falling into this blame-shift situation; I would have had more success solving it.
Is it impossible for me now to make an all-out effort so as to get better though? No. Be that as it may, do I still have to revolt against the demons that took over my mind years ago. Not to mention that I have always been in a tentative demeanour regarding taking a step forward. To say nothing of the fact that I was not the only one wearing blinders when it came to get my act together. May I have miscalculated the chances that had been under my nose all along. At times, we do not see the forest for the trees. Still and all, the events of my life happened so quickly, I did not even have the time to blink to be honest. Has fate been sticking out its tongue at me? I have no idea.
To round things off, I will say that irrespective of how many questions you might be wrestling with at the moment, you always have to see the big picture. Never sneer at people who seem weak either. You might be surprised at how much you can learn from them. Hence, keeping a petulant attitude when you are trying to get to the top does not seem wise. Lastly, never forget what you are able to dish out and always keep your eyes on the prize no matter what.
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