Being passionate about what you love is alright. However, being in college means you also take courses that are not of your interest. At least the first few years of your degree. Besides, I don´t let those extra courses make me disenchanted with my program. Nonetheless, there are subjects such as math which I find hard to stomach. Further, it galls me that local public schools haven´t improved their teaching methods in years. Politicians usually do not give a darn about education. Even though they don´t finagle the funds the get, still they spend them in stuff way less important. It is common to hear that in times of recession, one has to batten down the hatches. However, since Peru has always been in dearth of something, we got used to do it so often. Anyhow, I´ve heard that homeless people in the first world are in fact wastrels; whereas the homeless here have no other choice but to be poor. It seems some of these fellas are in fact maladjusted (especially the ones in developed countries). I mean who wants to waste their lives like that?. Notwithstanding, the ¨unfortunate¨ in Peru also screw their lives even more. For instance, there are these women who have lots of children and then are abandoned by their husbands. This due to ignorance. Though, it is not hard to figure out that you shouldn´t produce offspring if you´re poor. Seriously, programs to help these people should be instituted. Also there should be liaison between aid institutions and the government. So that they can tackle problems such as overpopulation. Lastly,  not wanting to write tripe, I´ll end this right here. I would not want my imagination to run out. For now I´ve reached the apex of it.

I had a black dog, his name was depression

Last night I ran into a short video I´m going to share with you. It was about depression, and it used a metaphor of a naughty black dog called ¨Depression¨. Such a scintillating piece of work to encourage people to get help and not hide their problem. Ergo, if you feel such as sending yourself to waterboarding cause you do not care about anything anymore, hold your horses. There is still hope. According to this short film, the best way to overcome depression, is to deal with it. For instance, at the end of the video, the guy who had been down in the dumps for a long time, finally managed to befriend the dog, and even teach it new tricks.   I totally agree with it. Conversely, the more you grapple to get rid of this mental illness, the stronger it gets. Thus, the need to embrace it is crucial. Now, I know there is a bunch of different ways to fight depression. However, those are different kettles of fish. We all have to come through barren times. However, when we finally pull off our plans, we feel so much better. Besides, it is pointless to waste time letting feeling such as hatred come over us. Due to for example a grudge we have against someone. Negative thoughts only inhibit your chances of success. Anyhow, it may not be easy to quarterback your plans for a better future. Nonetheless, that´s what makes life fun. Having to deal with gut-wrenching experiences (not exactly), knowing that at the end you´ll be rewarded seems neat. Especially if the reward is a huge condo close to the sea in an exclusive city, and an expensive cabriolet type of car.   

Sarah Kay: If I should have a daughter ...

A few years ago I glom onto the desire to master my English. Even though I´ve accomplished it, I´ll never stop learning. My incessant thoughts about the past seem to dissipate. Anyhow, after having been encumbered by doubts for so long, I´m trying to make up for the time lost. Besides, I still imagine that ineffable joy one feels after reaching the top. It may be along journey. Though, it is totally worth it. Moreover, everyone knows that hard work spawns success. Nonetheless, there is a bunch of other things to take into account besides just working a lot. Such as motivation, being organized, and secure. The last one is very important. Nobody wants a CEO who dithers over everything. By the way, I recently watched a Tedtalk about poetry. This time, the charismatic American professor Sarah Kay reminds us how wonderful poetry is in our lives. She is without a doubt the archetype of a poet of the 21st century. Most of us may consider music to be more meaningful than poetry. However, it is not exactly the case. It is just that we are not used to versed language. Giving life to inane words means a lot. Thus, I think both music and poetry are equally crucial in keeping us motivated. No matter how hung up you are over your problems. You just have to listen to your favorite song and your pain soothes away. The same happens when you hear a beautiful poem. Even if you feel grinched cause somebody screwed your day, the healing power of poetry does its job too. You feel relaxed and unencumbered after experiences either of these two forms of art. They can gradually ratchet up your spirits. However, there are more things you need to do if you getting rid a depression for instance. Lastly, I'd say that it is important to take into account how empowering can art be in our lives. It keeps us jovial and cheers us up.

Still do I have to buckle down to some assignments. So I better go the extra mile. You know, stoicism not always keeps you calm when it comes to school work. However, I cannot renege on the promise I made to myself. I will finish this program come what may. Maybe in the past I let myself manipulate by ill-intentioned people not to what I wanted. That was due to the fact that I was ingenuous and insecure. Notwithstanding, nothing will preclude me from achieving my goals now. I´ve got the momentum I need. My friends can attest to that. Moreover, I know that I´ve recovered from having my confidence ravaged by bitter experiences. Even though, I wasted some time unwillingly, I still learned at least a bit from each one of those shitty situations I had to overcome. On the other hand, sometimes I think that "some" American and Canadian opinions do us "Latinos" a disservice. I know the aforesaid comment may sound offensive. Nonetheless, that is what I believe. Besides, as I said it does not apply to every one of them. I understand there have been lots of cases of illegal immigrants going to North America. Those cases can even be related to my own country. Since Lima is the only city in Peru where one can get a somewhat decent education, people especially from the highlands migrate to there. What I resent is the fact that according to some, all Latinos have the faults they find in the ones they see. Not all of us are the same. Not only does it count each individual educational background, but also the way they were raised. Further, just like with any other race, there is not such thing as superior or inferior. Many altercations have arisen due to people's ignorance and stupidity. Just to clarify, I was not talking about nationalities in the aforementioned remark. Unreasonable people exist all over the world. In addition, when I start writing, words don't exactly spill out. Although, I am always hot to trot regarding imagining what to say. Anyhow, If I were to think up a summation of all my achievements so far, I would say this: No matter how I've done it, I have sowed the seeds of my own success. Be that as it may, there is still a lot to be done. Thus, before I end up pushing up daisies, I'm planning to make the most of life. Lastly, I'd say I cannot believe how to time goes by this quick. By this July, I'm going to have been in school for a year and a half; and I'm planning on staying all the way.

I actually wanted to do this an hour earlier. Though, since it´s Saturday, I slept in a little. Besides, last night I got carried away listening to my favorite songs and acted kind of puerile. My laudable attempts not be childish most of the time served me right. To me, waking up early to do a task decided to be finished since the day before ain´t that painful. What is more, doing something that I like pushes me to accomplish it. Besides, I do not want to end up being a mere cipher. Ergo, each second counts. However, sometimes weekends make me want to relax a little more than usual. Moreover, if I don't loosen up once in a while I could go bunkers. Anyhow, there is still a bunch of things I need to tidy up. Since my accident the plan I was working to become more organized ended not being a priority anymore. Nonetheless, I have to rethink it and start over. At least I've been working on being more opinionated. Well not exactly, I would say more assertive. Someday will I glory in my success. Notwithstanding, for that to happen, I still need to work on my goals. Moreover, something I've realized it is not healthy to do is to gloss over your problems. Storing all your worries and past bad experiences in your head will only make you sicker. Therefore, it seems much better to pour your troubles to a friend over a cup of coffee. Further, having a slew of stuff to do yet, it would be stupid to worry more about pent-up emotions. Anyhow, maybe the reason for me being kind of obsessed about rules is cause nobody else gives a shit about the ethos of my society. Lastly, I think I'll take a bit more time on my assignments. Thumbing through those books won't get me a good grade.

Ps. Remember never to start a project solely for its commendable value, but cause it is something that you enjoy doing.

You may think it should be good for me take a brake from writing. I´ll know when to do it though. My temperance is not malfunctioning.  Ergo, I can go on for long enough not worrying about being displaced by a machine in the future. Not that I am going to end up living like an effing anchorite. Besides, I have already said I am working on my social skills. Besides that, I hope one day my writings earn the epithet ¨awesome¨. Anyhow, for now , I´ve been thinking about this: Many say that at some point in the future, books are just going to be anachronisms from the past. Since the inception of E-books and tablets a few years ago; people have not drastically stopped buying books though. This maybe due to the fact that there is still something special in books. Such us the feeling you get from turning the pages; whereas, E-books can store insanely large amounts of data. Apart from saving you lots of space. However, some still prefer to feel what they are reading. In my humble opinion I´d go for old fashioned books. Moreover, maybe at some point in the foreseeable future, I will have a published novel wit my name embossed on it. Since, many say that writing a novel is among the things you have to do before dying, I am planning on doing it.  By the way, sometimes I don´t realize how much better it is to type than to write on paper. I mean at least to me, my handwriting sucks. Therefore, others can just read scrawls from what I write. Only making it legible on my school tests. Anyway, if I´ve got enough time left, I`ll do some calisthenics.

I´ve already talked about the importance of saying ¨no¨. However, it is  worth mentioning once more. At tines, we feel obliged to do something we don´t want to. It could be either cause of manners or pressure. Besides, by giving underlying messages showing displeasure, people are mostly not going to understand you. You can even feel trapped in a mesh of loyalty and guilt when a friend asks you to do something difficult. Nonetheless, you have the right not to accept their requests occasionally. Maybe you´ve got used to circumlocutory and even facetious excuses to bail out of rough situations. Notwithstanding, it is better to confront our issues sometimes. It does entail hard work getting used to saying ¨no¨. Nothing can be achieved in one fell swoop. Moreover, we have to be careful of knee- jerk reactions. Still it works best to be polite when excusing ourselves or refusing rather than just being harsh. Do a concerted effort to learn how to reject with manners. For instance a simple ¨I can´t do it¨ said in an undertone, works well in most situations. Anyhow, I must lay down my duties now. Before I go though, I wanted to say this: If you work up enthusiasm for what you want to accomplish, nothing will stop you.

Sometimes, it seems that time goes by at different rates. The faster we want to time to pass, the slower it does. As gregarious as I am (just joking), I can tell you that when you are having fun time seems to tick by. When it is the other way around though, the opposite happens. Thus, to ramp up the amount of tasks we can get done in a shorter time could serve us handy. That´s why we cannot afford to waste too much time. Besides, before we make any important decision, a caveat on costs must be done. What we do know can have seminal results on what we expect tomorrow. Since prefaced this writing with a few remarks about time already; I can get to the real stuff now. We all know it is good to have high self-confidence. Not too high though. For instance, yesterday we were talking about the reasons why we thought it is actually bad to have a huge ego in one of my classes. Most of us came to the conclusion that is better for others to notice your skill, rather than you being a snoot. Also, we mentioned that taxing someone with something wrong they do will mostly hurt their feelings. Ergo, it is crucial to be polite and give person slight advice on how to solve their problems. Kudos to me for having brought up such an important matter. Moreover, old values gotta be grafted onto this new society. Such as being polite. Not exactly will we shatter another person´s world by being rude. However you do hurt them anyway.

I´ve been feeling kind of weird lately. It´s like if my irksome nightmares had come back to haunt me. Of course I don't pay attention to them. Do I think these bad dreams are just appurtenance of my inner negative thoughts. However, sometimes they seem real at times. Anyhow, since I take an unconscionable amount of time pondering about the past, I'll try not to add up my dreams to the mixture. Otherwise, I would create a mismatch. Moreover, some questions that tax you are not worth trying to solve. For instance, most religions posit the existence of life after death. Though, they are not racking their brains trying to explain how that happens. Extrapolating something from what we know may not be the best way. Nonetheless, it is the only one available on occasion. Nobody wants a humdrum existence. Ergo you should focus on the present. Do you want to end up not living your life due to pointless quests to answer riddles? It seems as unsavory as the things you run into in men public restrooms each day. Besides, you have to act as a troubleshooter, not a troublemaker. Truth be told, I cannot find words to explain how empowered I felt after first taking action to solve my anxiety problem. Some emotional problems can skewer you to the floor. Notwithstanding, it is up to you whether you stand up once more or not. No matter what occasioned your issues in the first place. What matters is how you get out of the hole. You do not want to be remembered as a scruffy and depressive bastard after you are gone, do you?

Even though I am not yet 100% spunky, I´ll get there soon. However, not knowing how to say ¨no¨ in my teenage years to certain things has made my life more complicated than it could have. For instance, the fact that I did not tell my mom that I wanted nothing to do with the neighborhood we were living in anymore. After her divorce that is. Nonetheless, we moved to one so close the our previous neighborhood that it was ridiculous. It was a shabby decision; but then again, I could not say ¨no¨. Now I feel impelled to make up for the time I lost. For now what I do is keep myself busy; so that I can curtail my worries. though, if I get kicked out of school, I´m screwed. Due to my damn accident, I did not started this semester as I would have wanted to. In common parlance, am I under a lot of pressure not to fail one single course. Anyhow, my own volition got taken by others in the past; notwithstanding, I took it back. Working for an American company would help me out a lot. Since most of them have many branches here. Although, to get my feet in the door, I´ll have to exert myself. They say it is crucial to cast your net wide when you are job-hunting. I´ll take that into account before I graduate. Lastly, I´d say that maybe my problems pale next to the ones of a few. Notwithstanding, they still hurt. Anyhow, I need to break the back of one assignment before I leave. By the way I wanted to say that if knowledge were money, the word ¨parsimony¨ would not exist in my vocabulary. Be that as it may, studying something I don´t like is something else. Barely will I bring off my upcoming challenges.

Even if your life is full of egregious errors, it is worth living it til the end. That´s why no matter how small your achievements are, they give you self-worth. Ergo, do not let anyone disparage them. To me it is a spurious statement to say that money cannot buy happiness. It may not totally solve all problems. Though, for the most part, people need somewhere to live, supplies, etc. Money can buy all of those. Many would say that it cannot get you affection from someone else. That´s true. However, it can get you false relationships triggered out of Eros. Therefore, girls who cozy up to hotshots get a share of the cake after all. Anyhow, don't get me wrong. I do believe that family, and stuff like that are more important than cash. Also do I believe that short public programs on teaching people how to save money should be phased in over the years in all major cities. Notwithstanding, for third world governments, getting a foot in the door when it comes to helping people seems impossible. Instead, they are stupid enough to allow the demolition of quaint old buildings for instance. So that these crooks can profit from the commissions that the private sector gives them. By the way, do not repulse my advice just cause one of the comments I wrote doesn't tickle your fancy. People who are not feisty seem to be of my predilection. Lastly, I'd say that you should not let blasts from the past make you remember bitter experiences. For example, you may have got off on the wrong foot with an old potential friend. Though, it does not mean you cannot start over and make up.

This inquisitive mind has to take advantage of each minute it has to write. Besides, I do not want to end up under the shadow of my brother "the shutterbug, who also writes". My style of achieving things may still be scattershot. However, I´m getting better. Aside from the fact that I´m a little glutton for knowledge, everything is fine with me. I don´t know whether or not I'll get to be with a bombshell blonde one day. I know I've been subjected to a lot of shit during my life; just cause of it though, does not mean that out of the blue a gorgeous girl is going to show up in front of me. I need to pave the way for it to happen. In addition, I have always chafed at my own insecurity. It may prick my conscience that I did not take action before. Nonetheless, instead of serving up my old excuses, I'm doing something about it. For instance, one of the first steps I took was to meet tourists at cafes. Even though I've mitigated my shyness, there's still a long way to go. Further, I cannot be constrained because of this personality fault. For now, whisking away my stuff and moving out is not affordable. Moreover, to have an unfussy approach on how to solve my problems seems right. That's why sinking my savings into a venture does not appear to be wise at all. The outcome of my path is not a foregone conclusion. Notwithstanding, I still can make it brighter. If I want to go back to being my former perky self once more, I'll have to work hard. Working to a plan seems organize to start things off. I couldn't stand jumping the gun once again. I have decided to bring down the shutters every time someone ask me about something unpleasant from my past. Despite the fact that I'm not exactly as poor as a church mouse, I try to mostly go to bistros when I have to. Ergo, I can save up a little. Anyhow, casting aside my fears won't be as easy as memorizing a ditty. However, I have already started. Moreover, I cannot waste any more time finding fault with my personality. Lastly, I'd say that it is never to late to start over. By the way, I'll be having poached tuna for lunch. (Holy week)

Am I just going to adlib anything today so that I can go back to sleep? No. Besides the fact that my essays never overrun, I do tend the needs of my readers. Moreover, Instead of letting hate well up inside me thinking about my past, I´m into something more productive. Can I chalk me not being seriously hurt by that car up to luck. However,  it should be best for me to block out that bitter episode. The cornerstone of happiness is to think positive. Further, the saying ¨As you do to others, so it shall be done to you¨ comes to mind each time I think about someone who has hurt me before. Instead, it is better to keep pleasant thoughts in your mind. For instance, I always imagine me getting hounded by a bunch of cute girls who want to get my number. Not that I am a snoot. Notwithstanding, I need to cast off my shy guy reputation. Anyhow, who hasn´t experienced fear? What it boils down to is calming down before making a hasty decision. Remember, if you got a problem, you cannot just soft-pedal it. Nor can you medicate the issue away. For example, doing things such as working off your anger by stepping out seems best. Not by a long shot is it better to make a mountain out of a molehill. Lastly, I would say that for now, we can only put our past mistakes down to experience.

It seems to me that I´m not taking advantage of sleeping in. However, I wanna act as a conduit passing on info for as long as I live. Thus to do that, I need to have this essay cluttered with words.

Further, It´s not easy to realign yourself with the opinions of others. Nonetheless, it ain´t always possible to aggrandize your status due to that. Besides, looking at others with disdain cause you´ve got some sort of advantage seems stupid. The importance of a human being encompasses more than just wit. If I can pontificate on something, it is the following. We all have an entropy of ideas when we first want to achieve something. Many times do we get stuck in the process cause of insecurity. Thereby, we can end up either squalling like kids or taking action. The second option seems more reasonable. Life is going to take its toll on us on a number of occasions. Ergo, I suggest you read ¨The tools¨ if you find yourself it a tight spot. Not that I´m trying to be a bastion of freedom. Though, it serves you good to be helpful once in a while. No matter how many times you get walloped on the way to glory. Having experiencing that first hand, I can tell you that what is really crucial is whether or not you can stand up after the blow. Moreover, you can always change. Look at me. Before, I wouldn´t talk to strangers at all. Now, I can´t exactly hold court with tourists just yet. However, I can approach people at bars and talk to them. Moreover, It´s not about courting popularity, but confidence. One single step can take the edge of your anxiety. Taking on an outgoing manner doesn´t happen overnight. For instance, I did not picked up the American twang in a few days. It took me years. Lastly, I´d say that putting the past behind may not be easy. Though, it is not simple either to set out my ideas for this writing.

Today ´s been off for me due to holy week. So I basically woke up an hour later, however I have been watching YouTube videos since 5 am in my bed. Even though I am not a shoo-in to finish my program, still do I relax a little. Besides, I've got tones of homework. Ergo, not everything will be mirth this long weekend. My depression has petered out, which is good. Though, I still am snarled up cause of catching up for school. Therefore, instead of getting a piggyback ride to the movies from my grandpa, I will be finishing off some assignments. Further, I can't be foolhardy at this point. Otherwise,  I can fail a course. Anyhow, I don´t want to pepper this writing with jokes. By the way, yesterday I was watching ¨The butterfly effect¨. You mainly know this movie is about a guy who can travel back in time by reading his diary and imagining those times from the past. Notwithstanding, every time he wanted to change something, something else happened which was even worse. That got me thinking. If I were to probe into my past and had that power, would I still fuck things up?. You may retort that it is a stupid question. Still, Imagine if you could that power in a race. You could overhaul all the other runners even if you screw up once. Anyhow, I need to get up a head of steam. Do I know which responsibilities rest on me. Moreover, I still scoff at peoples pep talks telling me that even though I´ve slipped up many times I can still start over. Despite the fact that most of those time travel films rivet me, I still have a sense of reality. Besides, I Know my courage will carry me through my ordeal. Motivation is key to keep you going, thereby it does help reach your goals. Lastly I´d say I´ll do something that gets my rocks off this weekend. Such as running and going to a café to read my staff. Lame, right? Besides, I can meet some folks after that. On the other hand, I have to get used not to learn by rote. Ergo, I can do better at tests. 

 I don´t Know how I´m gonna get ahead in my class. Since I am behind now. Besides, perusing the handouts they give me is not possible. Ergo, I cannot let my personal life impinge on my school work anymore. However, dissociating the two from my mind won´t be easy. Time elapses so fast. If I don´t wanna end up living in the street and wearing a loincloth, I´ll have to get a move on. Further, I´m not an imp anymore. Therefore, I cannot follow the herd any longer. Moreover, babbling about what I´ll do is one thing; though walking the walk seems challenging. If you let your kin walk over you like I did in the past, you´re fucked. Conversely, taking action yourself from an early age seems more reasonable. I may be on the rack now. Though, I hope against hope that I will someday find my peace. By and large, so far this year has been hell for me. However, it´s been in large part due to my accident. Moreover, I am willing to give my right arm for success. My situation is clear-cut screwed right now. Since, I have not got off to  a flying start, I´ll have to work extra hard to get what I want. Besides, they say ¨the survival of the fittest¨, right?. One does the harm and another one bears the pain. That´s how it is these days. For me, striking at the root of the problem will be a challenge. Further, I must settle for what I have. It´s up to me whether or not I squarely try to make the best out of myself. Even if I don´t spring a surprise by doing something awesome, I´ll do my best. Anyhow, I gotta do mind map right this sec, so I better move. That´s why I sprang out of bed in the first place.

This time my essay won´t be teeming with words.  Anyhow, before I used to be kind of a jester for you til I got depressed. Despite the fact that I have a keen mind, I´m too impulsive. Thus, my anger tends to subside after a while. Besides, living in Lima makes you experience nerve-raking situations all the time. Recently, I´ve been poring over the family album. Brings back memories of what I´d been inculcated with as a kid. The fact that I still labor under the impression that my life would be like back in those days sometime in the future again keeps me alive. Many emotional scabs do I have yet. Just one serendipitous chance to change my life. That´s all  ask for. Further, to me, writing every day in this blog is a labor of love. May I have had a hapless time growing up, I still managed to chin up. For many years education has been stigmatized in this country. The aforesaid fact saddens me indeed. How can my society be genial if most of its population is ignorant and full of prejudices? My hope that Peru was gonna change got subverted eons ago. It would probably take me less time to learn a back flip or a handspring rather than watching how my city is supposed to improve. Besides, already have I mentioned that public transport here is my pet peeve. I´d rather shamble along ten km before getting into one those jam-packed pieces of shit. However, sometimes you gotta withstand it. Regardless of the fact that it is worse than a wedgie, one gets used to crap. I may not exactly be in a cleft stick right now. Though, this is not my time to smile either. Moreover, still do I cleave to the hope that things will look up. Lastly, I´d say that indeed teen problems can set the stage for stress in  adult life. Notwithstanding, I have to take it on the chin.

You may think that I´m a crackpot for waking up at 6 am on a Sunday just to write. However, it´s one of the things I don´t do headlong. I mean doing what you love at any time should be one of the characteristics  befitting a true artist, right?. Besides, I do not need a tenure to write. Ergo, having the chance to do something that piques your interest as much as you can seems amazing. I may be pegged as a weirdo for reading most of the time. Apart from it, I did mention that I enjoy jogging. Nonetheless, still am I resting due to having been run over. Also, I´ve been tightening my belt. Since there was a need for me to take cabs to school for a while. Besides, I am one of the flagships of my school. So that, I gotta be taken care of. Blundering around like a blind folk would not do me any good. Moreover, my heart lurches at the bright future I can make for myself if I don´t run into any more accidents. You might not agree with me. Though, being run ragged by your school involving tasks you enjoy seems  neat. I mean, this is not just truism.  Even though some enjoy doing what they like; overdoing it seems tiring. Further, it does pique me when out-of-the-box thinking is not applied. Anyhow, yesterday my flock and I were meandering around the buildings of Barranco.  The aforesaid  part of Lima is close the sea, which offers much to see. Anyway, being enthusiastic about visiting nice places must not be as exciting as having a gun-ho attitude. Lastly, I´d say the following:  Still do I harbor thoughts of revenge towards my kin. Though, that´s what did not let me advance in the first place. Besides, if I wanna end up finishing a speech amid rapturous applause, I will need more than an ecstatic attitude towards my passion. For now, what I see in the foreseeable future is my boss getting mad cause he cannot dock my wage.

At this point of my life, it doesn´t matter whether I learn anything new later than I had expected.
May I bemoan the fact that I wasted time in the past. Though, it´s time to move on. At times I feel like a machine that can  imbibe words easily. Anyhow, maybe I was expecting too much from people by thinking that they all were gonna commiserate with me after my accident. Even though I freaked out during those tests I was taking, still I wanted to excel at them. Besides, I did not let the fact that I'd been hurt subjugate me. However, I was bemused about what to do next. It's like as if some stage of my recovery I got unwitting of what I was doing. Even did I think my teachers were being impersonal. Moreover, I'd like to dispel the supposed fear I was feeling at the moment. Regardless of the fact that I had been run over, I was trying to suck it up. Nonetheless, I wasn't exactly carefree. Moreover, I don't know if I suffer from ADHD, but I think that would be exaggerating a bit. How can you be laid-back after the shock I had? In a manner of speaking, I could have been more relaxed. However, it's not easy to overcome something like what happened to me without having a post trauma. I don't want you guys to cluck at my story. Besides, I'm enthused with the idea of looking forward. Ever since that episode happened, I've been trying to recount it without undue sadness. Despite the fact that I did not think people were running roughshod over me after what happened, I still felt they didn't understand me. Notwithstanding, I am not very communicative. Ergo, they couldn't know my mood had gone to hell in a handbasket before my incident. Lastly, I'd say that we're all serfs of time. Therefore, we have to make the best out all the experiences we come across.

Have I been lackadaisical about all the school thing. It is not bigotry to act weird after what happened to me. Anyhow, being a listless individual doesn´t help much. Besides, even if I cannot rewrite my history, I still have a shot at succeeding. Moreover, I´m not the kind of person who hushes up their personal info, which has caused me problems in the past. Anyhow, back to what I was talking about the other day. I know exams a yardstick on how to measure a students performance. However, having the teacher proctoring and whatnot had me very nervous. Not that I´m troubleshooting for my school; though since my raging appetite for knowledge had been affected, I´m just saying. Fear has gnawed at me many times. However, this Monday I decided to change my attitude. In fact, I´m jazzed about what I did. Ok, I´ll tell you. I spruced up and went out to meet new people. It ended up working out pretty well. For instance, I befriended a couple of foreigners. That taught me I don´t have to actually attend colloquiums to meet others from abroad. Besides, I didn´t want my English knowledge to go down the drain anymore. I knew I had to get rid of my lugubrious expression. Ergo, I decided do something about it. Anyhow, before I dry up, I´d suggest the following. Never draw back from doing what you want. Further, there´s always gonna be someone you can draw support from. You may have never guessed it. Though at times, the people you think are the least qualified are in fact the ones who tender the best advice to you.

PS. Anytime an idea pops into your mind, act on it instead of sitting around like a languid moron. Oh but remember, get your act together first.

I may have not been able to rewind my life.  Even though it may never happen, nothing will stifle my imagination. Besides, I want this writings to give rise to hope. Besides, since I´m always hungering for knowledge, I´d also be glad to share what I know with you guys. My enthusiasm has heightened a little. Maybe I was not left to my own devices back as a teen. Though, now I am. Moreover, after looking into the topic of depression further, I learned the following. It´s been percolated through to us that antidepressants don´t do shit to cure you. You may either be the person who fumbles for words all the time, or the one who stores up their emotions. Whatever the case yours is, those drugs work like the placebo effect. The only drugs I trust are analgesics, which by the way serve another purpose. Anyhow, just like me, you may have qualms about what to do all the time. For instance, I overshot my cash by getting braces. I´m literally snapping my cap right now. I did get ripped off by the guy. Not only did those shitty things were hurting, but the dentist seemed dishonest. After this bitter experience, I would go further as to say that you shouldn´t trust any of those folks. Regardless, of the fact that I doubt it before handing my money over to this thief, I went through with it. I slipped up. Enough, the dentist. I´ll contrive a way to legally get back at him. My forebear would be disappointed to know that I get be deceived by an SOB that easily. Besides, my patience has snapped. If my grandpa were still alive he would say: ¨Snap to it, you kiddo¨. Regarding the fact that I´m getting back on my feet of course. Anyhow, you don´t need undue motivation to start out. Many offshoots have reached success after branching out. It is better to sometimes enquire into what you want to do before making hasty decisions. Anyhow, hope you liked this sentimental slush. Smell you later.

Many experiences scar our lives. Sometimes, we gotta reassemble the pieces that fell apart after bitter setbacks took us down. As much as I want to dissimilate it, I cannot hide my intentions to time travel.

Even though it seems to be crazy, the fact that that dream lives on is what keeps me alive. However, by being cloistered I won´t achieve much. Besides, my spirits haven´t tapered off. I have no time for withdrawing myself anymore. Today, I´ll skitter up to school elated. I won´t let myself get skid down to nothingness. Despite the fact that depression had been degenerating my health, it now only will stiffen my resolve to keep fighting. Hoping my rhetoric motivates you, I´ll tell you that my opinions are not immutable. My ideals are not ossified like political systems. I may not have buffered myself against my kin´s manipulation. Many a time have I been caught out by unexpected situations. However, I should eat crow now for trying to take revenge against my own family. My guestimate on when I will be able to fulfill my ultimate dream is never. Nonetheless, I needed to vent my inner feelings one way or another. Moreover, I will never shift my ground  about time travel. Besides, being able to achieve it would cause a seismic shift in human history. Just like in an unfilled pause in a conversation, I´ve got nothing else to say about it. Only that, even if during the blooming rest of my life I don´t see it happening, at least I will picture myself being a time lord. It may mugs me off that I cannot just wish for it to happen. I´m not bantering with you guys. May I have hit a wall many times. Though I at least wont dissemble my thoughts any longer.

Yesterday I was about to quit school. Though the dean didn´t show up. After many family discord, I´ve decided to let things flow for a while. Pushing aside my fears and moving on is the best I can do now. For now, I cannot drape my arm around anybody's shoulder. The sole feeling of thinking about the future makes me shudder. How much would I wish there was a being with such a puissance that could grant me any wish a wanted. Unfortunately, my ingrained common sense tells me there is not. All my thoughts are clumped together. Instead of agglutinating only the bad ones, I should also consider the good ones. If there´s still some positivism left in me. Some need to be knocked  down to size, I need the opposite. Besides, I´d wimped out of doing  that would have save my life a while ago.

One of the reasons I got worse is cause I had been bottling up my emotions. I may not have a eidetic memory. Though, this one memory ain´t like a sieve either. In fact, I do remember lots of things. Even though the fact that I got run over overshadowed my depression, it is still there. At this point, I don't know if being urged on will do me any better. Still do I reel from the shock of what would happen if I end myself.  Back as a kid a dreamed about being affluent. Now, I can't even think of being alive one more day. Lastly, I´d say that sometimes, it is good to trust your deep-rooted beliefs.

It`s been a whole week since I got run over. Even though running around like a headless chicken doesn´t help much, I´ve got my motives. I may bug out of doing certain things now. I even fantasize that I´m 16 once again and that everything is like it used to be. In view of what`s happened lately though, my mind is more full of regrets that ever. I don´t even know if I can keep up with school.

Despite the fact that I conducted myself better than expected, nobody there gives a shit that I was in an accident. Since day 1, I´ve been bombarded with tests. What really bugs me though is what  my English teacher replied when I asked a question about one test. ¨You gotta infer¨ - She said. Even though, she knew I´d been run over, and that I was just asking to make sure about the meaning of a word. Still she decided to be bitchy. How am I supposed to home in on my tasks if a person like that is in charge?. Moreover, I always steer clear of trouble. Nonetheless, it seems I am cursed. Besides, I can´t even contemplate my future now cause of bitches like this. If we were in a conversation one of you guys would throw in an encouraging comment:¨But, Juan you´re still 21¨ So what?. I´ve barely accomplished anything in my life. Have I not maximized the chances I came across.  Besides, when I chew over my plans, I realize I got none. Wouldn´t you wig out if you were in my position?.

PS. After kicking their asses, try to heal the rift between you and your enemies.

Don´t you let anyone hold you to ransom. As a susceptible person, I can tell it´s not fun at all.  Being assertive can actually save your life, meanwhile, acting the other way around cannot. Apart from the fact that you need to get solace when are down,  there is a need not to let that state of emotions weaken you. Some take advantage of it to profit from your feelings. There´s little scope for improvement if you behave as I have so far. Just like you scope out a project before plunging into it, working on your self confidence is just as important. I´m not trying to impart anything to you. However, anything that helps broaden the mind may come in handy. Besides, I can quote you some instances when you need to be assertive: After you finish high school, when you´re gonna get any specific service, etc. Anyhow, after many contretemps with my folks, I haven´t solved anything. Mostly I have been mellowing out and oversleeping this weekend. I may not be persistent to a fault. Though I tried. Instead of falling foul of the law, I´ve let myself be controlled by my kin´s domineering manner. Mostly I´d only cared about looking dashing. That was my undoing. Little did I know that caring about your mental health is more important than everything else. Lastly, I´d suggest you always pay attention to the idiom ¨chickens come home to roost¨

You have no idea guys how much I´d like to turn back time. Having this insecurity as a hangover from my childhood is hard. Lately, I´m just getting a charge out of writing. Moreover, there´s no point in howling in pain anymore. I can reproach myself all day long if I want to.

However, loafing around and scuffling with my folks will not do any good. Many a time have I shrilled swear words referring to my life being shitty. Tears trail down my cheeks each time I remember a bitter experience. This may be getting old. I mean the fact that I blaze up when I tell you my melodramas. Believe me, I`ll come up with something gripping soon enough. Besides,  I gotta slot in some lessons before my upcoming math test. All subjects must fall into place little by little. The only thing I have left to do is applying myself. However, you cannot fault me on being persistent.  Letting the dust settle is the best I can do now. I cannot venture into making any move just yet. Besides, sweetening the pill is what I can do now to feel better. Even though I´m a little down, I can assure you none of the remarks on this writing is inept. Furthermore, only if I want to, my efforts to keep this blog decent will be dead in water. Anyhow, in this foregoing essay , I´ve tried to air some of my grievances. Even though I seem to always complain about stuff, I`d wish you understand me guys. Not every day do you get run over. In addition, I`d like to say that I do not lift the ideas for this blog from the books I read. I mostly use my imagination and what learn from those books. Lastly, I´ll finish with an analogy. Just like businesses return succulent profits after a year of hard work, you can also get juicy rewards by working your way to the top. PS. If you ever feel the atmosphere you`re in now is charged with hatred, go for a walk. The idiom ¨forewarned is forearmed¨ may not exactly apply to this example. Though, I still find some relation to it.

This dilettante writer has gone through a lot. I know gritting your teeth and moving on after a terrible experience is really hard. Considering the fact that a few moments of sorrow are enshrined in my personal history. Anyhow, many steps gotta be taken to ameliorate my emotional state. Besides, I didn`t have to cozy up to anyone to remain gritty. I flare up every time I try to blank out an unpleasant episode from my past. Moreover, I`ve always thrived on writing; something that has been a lifeline to me. However, I`ve never really been discovered. Many a time have I wanted to emanate confidence as a result of feeling productive. Though, til this day not a single folk has given me the chance to shine. Success is something cumulative. If you wanna become a luminary, you have to start  working on all cylinders. No more eye-openers do I need to realize life is shit for some. Maybe I feel that way cause I only parrot those encouraging phrases from all those motivational videos I watch Well, I haven`t been thrown a lifeline either. After having been under my overbearing brother`s thumb for many years, I feel tired now. If only a sermon could take away the pain I`ve got in me right now. Though, that will be impossible. The ties of kinship can`t be broken. What can be broken though, is the trust towards those calculating individuals you thought you knew. I´ll look for ways to hasten my recovery. Some rude comments can be passed over, but actions that will prejudice your career path cannot. OK, I`ll get back to that topic later. Also, I`ll try not to let anything get me down today. I gotta tie up some loose ends and don`t let them tie me down. That`s why I need to set up a schedule. Hoping this essay is well set out , I´ll look for ways to better provide fine pieces of work. At times, I don´t know how to compose myself. Barely do I find the strength to bear up.  Regardless of how many times I`ve been to the lion´s den, still do I think something will compensate for the time I lost. To round out this writing , I promise next time I will come up with something that will dumbfound you. Even so, it may take some time for me to be jubilant again. Depression won`t rout me, it´ll just make me smarter.

Who wouldn`t wanna incarnate their desires in a concrete form?. Not only does the aroma of the unknown wafts across our path, but we also want to pursue it. Our ultimate wishes tantalize us on top. However, our society foregrounds the need for common sense. Whether our breakthroughs´ progress is formed by building up small pieces the size of gullies, we still believe in the impossible. Discoveries dictate what we consider possible. At times, efforts to hasten the realization of these dreams seem vain. Though trail and error beget results. We all accord with the fact that almost anything is achievable nowadays. I could personally say that everything conspired to make my life hell. Though, my heart still swells with hope. Willing to gorge on knowledge as long as I`m alive, and wanting to enjoy the fruits of my efforts.  Albeit, when you´ve got an unorthodox idea of how to make something new a reality, offers of help soon dry up if people think you`re crazy. Keeping a jaunty attitude is best in these cases. Besides, the purport of this writing is not to underestimate what can be done in the  future. Many dissolute scientists there are. However, some of them have a vision for change. Positive predictions are in the foreground to norm the standards of methods that will benefit humanity in many aspects. I`ll do what I can of my own accord; by writing for instance. Looking for volunteers to swell the ranks of those helping in the development of a better society seems promising too. Don`t let your hopes wither away, I myself almost cut my throat out of regret. All those nights I spend clattering around in the kitchen thinking don`t help much. Boy! Do still make hasty decisions. By analogy, success ain`t as simple as reaching the topmost branches of a tree. Anyhow, when I get to the point in which I`m  a wizened wise man, I wish I don`t get as temperamental as I do now. Each time I make slip I, want to batter the door down. That`s why, I should live my life under the banner of ¨No dwelling on the past¨

There is a bunch of vagaries that happen in our lives that are impossible to control for a person like me. The way I was raised had me cowering and whimpering without making a single decision. Later on, I`d shrink from asking girls out in high school. My overprotective background had made me a wimp. In an attempt to rationalize my own behavior, I figured out I could fight back bullies in my senior years. They thought I`d become stronger and arrogant, whereas in fact I had just buffed up. I still feel the inveterate hostility in my society`s people that affront others cause of their ignorance. Whilst this all happens, the  local corridors of power don`t do a thing to rescind laws that allow the  savageness taking place in Lima each day. They've accorded with parking decisions to improve public transport and safety for decades. It`s impossible for this delinquents to unlearn their past attitudes. Not to mention, most of them are the bus drivers and ticket collectors that make our lives a nightmare every day we commute. Copious amounts of vehicles move along the city roads creating a pandemonium. On the other hand,I know I made a rod for my own back in my early teen years. Due to thinking English was not that important. In addition, I did relate some the childish stuff I liked to learning English. Though, cause of the lack of ebullience and a fatherly image since I was 16, I felt it  mostly lost. Usually, I could drop out an English class cause of a bad grade. Besides the fact that my brother was always there to pressure me instead of giving advice. Not a single day was he home while I was being reared. Due to this, I was not motivated to learn English. Moreover, he even tried to proselytize his non-religious believes on me. Which caused me to avoid going to service most of the time. I wish I had had a mantra to overcome all the shit I had to deal with. My transient stays from school to school did not help me with my confidence. Nowadays, I gotta plough through assignments without worrying about my brows furrowing. Still do I recollect my kid days, which were my happiest. There are wounds more profound a graze in your knee, those are the emotional ones. If my soul were in a state of dishabille, you'd understand me better. There worst thing one can do is to take the liberty to make their own children's decisions. Nowadays, I wanna feel at liberty to make my own. Moreover, fancying yourself a great deal ain`t the answer. Though, you gotta believe in yourself.  I hope my future achievements call forth a bit high and mightiness on me. Regarding my anxiety, that situation calls for prompt action.

Anyhow, basking in the afterglow of glory is good. Besides, I know there is an interdisciplinary way to approach my problems. Regardless of how many clunkers I`ve made; still do I believe in a silver lining. Just like earthquakes, every crisis brings on aftershocks. I just hope that if I get to become an official teacher in  the feature, I am able impart confidence in my students. Having a head for languages I still think I can do it.

Many unpleasant things have been rearing their ugly heads on me lately. Firstly, I get depressed over a stupid decision I make and my folks think I`m crazy. Second, I get  hit by a car. Seriously I don`t how I`m alive now. One things is to take setbacks on the chin, though this is too much. If my world hasn't razed like an old home yet, it`s caue I tough it out. Many a time have I though I could still make it. Did I mention my mom follows me around with a spoon of salt all day long cause I got hiccups. Apparently, the anti-inflammatories I got prescribed have that hellish side-effect. How can I keep forestalling my younger classmates from surpassing me?. This situation seems like a veritable mare´s nest. My physical pain may be receding slightly. Nonetheless, my state of frustration is not.
I was manipulated once by my brother into to believing I was gonna have a great life in Canada. Of course he didn`t even let me prepared enough. Thus, I wasted my time in a Spanish speaking college half a year, then learning to drive. Anyhow, I don't want to run to seed after bitching about my big bro for so many years. I know he was more interested in cash than me. This is not metafiction. I`m trying to be magnanimous to him. Let me tell you I`m not one to traduce or backbite anyone. All I`m saying is true. This guy did even worse things to me that what I`m saying. Like for instance, forcing my mom to sell the condo in which we were living in Lima. I figured that was going to give him even more control over us. Luckily, his little plan backfired. His ambition of fucking us over even more didn`t get realized. However, due to the selling process that fell through , we had to move to a tiny flat for a few months. Really my mom did not have to realize her assets. All we were supposed to do was to spent a few months in Canada without pressure to see how things were gonna progress. Not to mention that IF I HAD BEEN PREPARED, I still would have been there. Anyhow, a showdown between my exemplary brother and me is about to happen. OK, this has been like a passim of Jose (the unnameable). My anger ignites each time I think about him. There will be time to settle our difference when he comes back in few. Lastly, I said I had little time to glance at the grammar of this blog. So don`t be critical. My inflammatory remarks have ended.