New Teacher Survival Guide: Planning

Things are picking up indeed. Even so, lots of things do I have to do yet.  Whether or not I want to earn everyone´s trust again is up to me. Besides, I do not have to be smart to realize that by repudiating my friends´ advice I was hurting myself. Not to mention that absconding myself from college during school hours leaves a lot to be desire. Even though I am not doing it anymore, this so called blogger is going to have to control his nerves if he wants to keep being taken into account.

 

Perhaps my behaviour warrants punishment. In place of getting it though, I have gotten love from the people who surround me. Not only will I have to reconfigure my thinking, also I am going to have to make up to all the ones I have disappointed. It is in fact unthinkable that I could have acted the way I have despite almost being 22. There was a time in which I thought I could become a ESL luminary in the future. Now though, I just want to be happy.

 

Do I know my actions have undercut my reputation.  Nonetheless, I do not consider myself a phony about to be unmasked. From my standpoint of things, I would have not fancied by any stretch of the imagination winding up on this situation. Along the same vein, I had not considered learning new things from these unpleasant experiences I had brought onto myself. Actually, I can not expect  anything preternatural to happen any time soon. The upshot of my deeds will determine if I get to be successful or not. Ergo, I must not keep enshrouding my mind with hokum and start taking action.

 

 Moreover, I cannot depreciate what I have accomplished so far. I must get rid of this languorous feeling and start being serious. The onset of my reinvention is starting up now. In the interim, I could use this time, to catch up with my courses and not end up put out like I always do due to taking too many respites. Perhaps my overall knowledge will not go into the stratosphere as I was planning it to. Not to mention that I feel conflicted about what to do. Besides, I am tired of going through the whole gamut of human emotions without fastening on the present. Can I keep on complaining ad infinitum or I can at least do my part. Not wanting to render this writing uncompelling. I will finish it up by saying it is that from now on it entirely my responsibility to make the right decision so as to augur a flourishing futurity. P.S: I neglected to mention that I was going to attach a video on lesson planning.

Creole language

Getting into the swing of things once again at school won´t be easy.  In fact, it has rendered me glued to the spot  to think about how many more tantrums I have thrown to avoid school recently. I love learning, do not get me wrong. What is more, I would not pick any other activity over it. Albeit, I spent too much this fallow period going to therapists that did not help me whatsoever.

Thus, getting more depressed due to the fact that I was not catching up with my studies. I ended up absenting myself from class most of last week to boot. Not to mention that still have I not justified my absences. The only way to it is to follow the proper steps. I must indeed hurry and beg for my professors not to hate me know. Thus, I hope that by just proving that I was on medical leave I do not get to fail any more courses. I mean have I been so adamant so as not to listen to what my loved ones were trying to tell me to do.

 Ergo, winding up in a tight spot. Many a time have I said that exercising in fact pumps you up. Still and all, I had not been doing it for like a month. Had I been keeping so much negative energy inside my being that I got sick of it. Hence, I had to uncage all this thrash I had so that I could feel better. Besides, I have realized as follows. Not only was I hiding my talents by casting myself as an individual of furtive behaviour, but I was also missing out on a lot. I wise person once told me that I should alert myself of every single chance that surrounds me, and make the best of the ones I partake in. Thus far, I have a long way to go. Have I been ever so often enlightened about how to behave in each situation.

Even so, my impulsiveness seems to get the upper hand most of the time. On the flip side, now that I finally have started jogging again, I am going to be able to control it more often. Wherefore, there is no reason for me to slink out of school anymore. Not to mention that I am go to have to make an strenuous effort if I intend not to regret having flunk out of college due to a self-provoked depression. Either I let my woebegone expression fade away once in for all or I can start packing up my junk and thinking about taking a job as a garbage man.

To synopsize my millionth melodramatic post, I will conclude by saying that I yet have to learn how to collect myself. Apart from that, have kept on with the same story about my sloppiness at school. By the way, have I heard the idiom: ¨If Mohamed will not go to the mountain, then the mountain must come to Mohamed¨ many times. Maybe I should apply it in getting out of my comfort zone and looking for a job. P.S. Now allow me to share one of the videos I had to watch after I missed my class on Creole languages...

Have my folks given me excuses for not allowing me to  go to certain places while I was growing up. For instance, the would say ¨ Do not go to this church because at some point in the future you will end up tithing it or they may brainwash you¨. Not to mention my brother would behave the same way. Due to the fact that he is an agnostic and he wanted me to be the same way. Still and all, I have always thought that in order to conclude any affirmation I need to have my own experience of what he claims to be immoral. I know that perhaps I have lashed out at my folks and him for so long.

It is just that I have no idea whether or not I will be able to one day achieve the capstone to my career. In fact there is no career to talk about besides some training programs I have taken and a few gigs. Even though I know my family has held me back, I know it is also true I have done so to myself. In lieu of presenting my apologies to them, I have been bearing a grudge against they three. Letting your anger bubble up inside you only sickens you.

Besides, I know I could have done lots of interesting things rather than focusing my time on loathing my own flesh and blood.  Being conscribed by these guys overbearing protection had always made me think negatively about them. Even so, now I am trying to make up for the time that I lost. Despite the fact that I am not a tantivy decision-maker, have I always felt of myself as an individual of good sense.

Unfortunately my weak character has been taken advantage of by the will to power nature of some people. I have no idea why I am not the kind of person who used to wake up at sunup each day and take a run at least twice a weak. It seems as if the coverage of knowledge I have gotten from advice and the books I read means nothing. Many people who do not come from blue-thinking families consider each change that comes their way and eventually succeed. I do not know whether or not I will be able to cackle at anything anymore.

Still do I have ideas circling around my mind and do not take action. Hoping this not to be my last post , I have to acknowledge the consequences of my actions and not only put in an appearance at my classes, but also comply with my responsibilities. Prescribed work is not to be overlooked, in lieu is to be done as soon as given. It is up to me if I do not want to end up being lambasted and kicked out by my dissatisfied teachers.

Have I been in a quandary my whole life. I am slow to realize things. It seems though that excruciating pain I feel when remembering my past mistakes could in fact be avoided by starting to move. Laying on the floor groaning is gonna make me sicker to the point of not being able to recover.  One thing is being able to assimilate change, the other is to let life pass you by like I am doing. Life is often likened to a journey. Ergo, behaving the way I do does not make sense for a young guy. Can I spend rest of my life blaming my folks for overly sheltering me or I can move on. One thing I think I have alway needed is to belong to an organization that can edify me. Such as a religious institution for instance. Thus, helping me to shape up my plans by giving me the uplift I need. May I have been hustled by my kin into making the wrong decisions in the past. Still and all, now I am deciding wrongly myself. Knowledge is somethig relative to how much you expose yourself to your passion. It is just I tend to extrapolote my fund of knowledge from  the mental comparison I make about the cases of successful people I hear about. The only thing I need to before I plan out my future once in for all is to clear  my mind. Hence, the only way in which I am going to expedite my success is by doing less talking. If there is something I should be indicted for is for not taking advantage of the opportunities I have now.  Life is like a race. Therefore, whether or not I want to lap the other runners is up to me. Besides, I have to live with the fact that there is always going to be someone who is going to know more about something than me. For starters,  do I have to start doing my homework. Blazing up at my parents is only going to keep making me waste my time. Not that I want news of my slackness to still be blazed over school. This time I must be serious. If I do not get into gear in the next hour, I will regret it for the rest of my life. Reinventing myself after all the stuff that I did is will not be easy. Even so, telling you my heart-rending stories all the time seems easier than the latter, there is an obligation for me to change. Do I want to strafe my mind with thoughts or do I really want to make something out of myself. If I want to see one day my blog expanded into a book or seeing my singing skills realized into a dais, I must hustle myself out of the house and stard doing things. By the way, bringing up the idiom ¨the chickens come home to roost¨ at this point would be smart indeed. Since I am apparently contrite about my sloppiness. Not only do I have to start doing dicey things regarding what I love, but also I have to work my rear off trying not to get kicked out of school. All told, I had been a schmuck before this second. Albeit, I just got inoculated against stupiditis. Is it really worth is to quail at each challenge that comes my way?

Now that I have been pondering over what to do next, do I realize I cannot escape from my duties. The only thing I have to do for now is going to school. Thus, if I were responsible enough, there would be no problem for me whatsoever. Still and all, it is also true that I have been prevented from my kin to make decisions that would have benefited me a lot more. Getting back to the topic of whether or not I should leave college. I am positive I would regret it on the spot. This is the only thing I have to fall back on. Thus, it does not make sense not to finish my program. I have let my situation get out hand. Albeit, I could say that I am making slow progress. Everyone gets rejected once or twice in their lives. Hence, thinking that because for instance you did not get your desired job in the past, you will not get it now. In fact that happened to me. My folks trivialized my worries and never took action to get me the help I needed. Nonetheless, it is also true that I have always been procrastinating doing one thing or another. Consequently, I rede you take action without thinking it twice if you do not want to end up like me. Have my decisions led to glaring errors many times. Notwithstanding, still do I believe I can become a repository of ESL. Be that as it may, it will take me a lot longer than I expected. Perhaps, I should start by moderating my behavior with some exercising. Not only will it boost my confidence, it will make me regain that control I had over my nerves. Do I have to detoxify my mind from all the bullshit I have in it. Besides, my fund of knowledge had been diminishing because I wanted it to. Do I still think I should have been less acquiescent with my brother back in Canada. Even though that episode is in the past, my past mistakes still haunt me. Further, I must say  I would not redact a single word from this blog. What is more, I meant to write them all. By the way, there is nothing more refreshing  than moving out of your comfort zone. In my case for example, have I conformed to letting my insecurities take the best out of me. To be honest, it it is normal for me to abhor my actions oftentimes. Deepening my knowledge will not be easy. Even though I have not exactly led a life of virtue, I got to a point in my life in which I was feeling good with myself. In lieu of perpending what I want to do with my life, I should stop procrastinating. It is of utmost importance that I retrieve my confidence as soon as possible. Moreover, it would be congruent to do what I write down here. Not only do I have to practice what I preach, but also I must change to a higher orbit. Anyhow, I will take powder now.

Do I still remember the time in which I would tramp the streets of Toronto looking for a job at age 18 without success. Anyhow, I am signing in after just one day trying to tell you guys that despite everything, things seem to be picking up.  I was starting to believe that I was going to end up being a brindle stiff. Now, I just worry whether or not I am going to be able to pass each one of my courses.

Regarding me being still callow, well that story for another day. Let us say that I have a lot to experience yet. Besides, only by cherishing each happy moment I allow myself to have, will I understand how valuable life is. No matter how agitated we may get by every-day vicissitudes, we must not forget how crucial it is for us sometimes to enjoy each moment of happiness we can get. Be sure to educate yourself as much as you can. Still and all, never forget to have fun once in a while. To be honest writing may in fact consume a good chunk of my time. Albeit, I love English so much that if a genie were to show up in front of me and asked me for a wish, I would definitely ask him to grant me unlimited knowledge of this language.

As long as I were to be considered the MKO (More knowledgeable other) at any social group I attend, I would even be willing to sacrifice not having any refreshment during the day. Of course, I mean that if could, I would not eat as long as I could learn a new English word or a new grammar structure. Notwithstanding, the reality in my country is far from what I expect it to be.  Lots of man-hour are wasted inside filthy buses trying to get to work. Do I see people with fuzzy ideas trying to figure out how not get crazy by the pandemonium the breaks out in Lima every darn day. Thus, you would probably not have to think hard to guess what you could theorize on my dreams. My fantasy is of course being able to time-travel to the past to when I was about 16 and start over. As crazy as that may seem to you, that is what I would like to happen. However, I know by now that it is unhealthy to focus on the past.

Hence, I will try as hard as I can to catch up with my stuff. You may overly much think I am crazy if you happen to meet me. You see every neologism I run into means a million bucks to me. In fact, you can call me sloppy and whatnot. Be that as it may, there is one thing you cannot say about me. That is of course that I do not care about English. Lastly, I would say that perhaps the social and family matrix in which I grew has not been the best. Be that as it may, there are worse cases than mine. There always something to hold your head up high for...

Just because I know a few fancy words does not mean that I am thus an English know-it-all. Nonetheless, I wish I were. To my mind, it is important to know as much as you can so that you can provide your students with the best education. That is my opinion, there is no two ways around it. Besides, I think have learned everything I know untimely. Be that as it may, they say that it is never to late to learn. In actuality, there is no point in reminding you that my insecurities have been engendered by my past failures. Thus, I need to get back my self-esteem now that I seem to have relapsed. Thinking positively would help me get over my problems easily. Perhaps I will get a brickbat begot by one of my professors due to my irresponsibility. Not only must I find my raisen d´etre, but also I have to learn to focus on my present. While going through my parent´s divorce, have I been told especially by my brother to mind my p´s and q´ without worrying about how I could have felt at that time. Not that I want  to blame him, but I think that my insecurity issues stem back from when I was around sixteen. Despite the fact that I have always tried to gravitate English environments, I have either been discouraged by either my brother or my mom to join a few social groups in which I could have certainly grown a lot more. Moreover, I do not want to be overshadowed by my brother more than I have now. No matter how cross I may be with my kin now. I know I have been overprotected so as to be safe. Albeit, too much of one single thing is never good. I refuse to become a benighted individual. Hence I have to attend school regardless of how many times I have absented myself from my classes in the past. Have I also heard the phrase that when there is a will, there is a way. Ergo, I cannot let my paroxysms of anger towards my past actions keep prejudicing my health. By the way, I do not reckon having talked about my interest in religion. Of course I am only interested on it as a matter of general knowledge. Do I hope to make time in the foreseeable future so that I can why not become more acquainted not only with Christianism, but with other religions as well. Am I unsuspected of how things are going to turn out for me. Still and all, I hope to have time to organize my school work. As well as not letting my hopes dwindle that is. To finalize my writing I would end up quoting Jesus on what he said in one of the ten amendments: ¨Honor your father and your mother¨. Is one of my in-built weakness the grudge I bear against them?. Also should I stop believing I am the fall guy of my family´s control.

Apropos what I am doing right now, there is not much to say. I would be able to identify the number of people who care about me on the spot. Howbeit, there is no way in which I can live up to my teachers´ expectation once again if I do not wake up now. Have I been talking about my personal life lately. Is just that as I have also said before, this site is the only means of catharsis I can use not to get crazy. Further, I will say that I still do not know if I will get the chance to become a reverent teacher in the future. Perhaps the civilities my friends used to make me feel better should have been insults. In fact, this period of emotional upheaval I am going through has been caused by my own actions. Anyhow, I have to find a way to strike a balance between my studies and my not yet found gigs once more. Instead of grappling to find a solution to my problems I should just act. By the way, it is been a long time since my last run. Maybe exercising again will help my mind to revitalize. Since my last acts have not exactly been shrewd, who knows what some fresh are can do for my health?. Until now, everyone has told me not to fuss around and start doing my school work. To be honest, I considered my mind to be exactly comparable to a tabula rasa. Moreover, my behavior my be  hard to apprehend. Still and all, I would be disingenuous from me to say that I have never felt better than others. Now though, I just want to earn back some self-respect. It must not be easy for anyone to confront their fears. Nonetheless, in my case it seems that I have let my emotions control me. Do I just want to be able to wake up one day and be able to prink myself one more time in front of the mirror without worrying about a little rash I have got for instance.  It is hard to resume my duties when I know I have been slacking off. The myopia I have to see the consequences of my actions could be my undoing. Should I start worrying about my own welfare once in for all. Anyway, If I were to be pretested on English advanced grammar I would surely fail. Since I have been wasting my time doing irrational things such as not attending my English classes. It seems as if my studies had become the bottommost though in my mind. Lastly,  in lieu of trying to reconstruct my bumbling acts, I should avoid voting every decision I make a disaster and move on.

Now that I have had a change of air, everything seems more confusing.  Once again, I can tell you that your past mistakes can catch up with you in no time. May I be down and out right now, be that as it may, still do have a little hope. Even though I know what it takes to ameliorate my situation, I am scared. That is why I am a fan of time travel, you have no idea how much I dream of the day in which I can rewind my life to my happy high school days. My post may be full of commonplaces. Let me tell you though, this blog is the only space in which I can vent. Perhaps doubts nag me. Nonetheless, the reason for this is because I do not take action. Was I used to being the student who would vie with his peers for the best grades, especially in English courses. You may think that all I ever do is to grumble about things. Should I do something to stem my streak of failures. Notwithstanding, I have prostrated myself by my own inactivity.The conjunction of failures I have experienced have led myself to feel the way I do now. Could I have exaggerated earlier when I said I was down and out. Despite the fact that I am not exactly a derelict, I am close to becoming one if do not open my eyes to reality. Whether or not my actions had or had not been wise enough for a 21 year old, I know my leaden heart will liven up. I will muddle through somehow. As I said before, if I ever get the chance to do something meaningful with myself, I hope it is a decent job that does not cause me trouble. By the way, still can I not understand how I got better after being run over right away, and I am not able to react now. Still do I have to focus on the feasible goals I can achieve. For now, I am overtly expressing myself on this blog. Moreover, do I know I have not left no stone unturned to achieve what I want to. Only if I assert myself, will  I be able carve out a career in education. Maybe a good idea will be to set up my schedule and finally  starting to work my rear off. To sign off this letter, I will say that a jaundiced attitude can always be changed by a smile and willingness to progress. Sometimes your behaviour is the only roadblock between you and success. Now, by your leave, I must retire to do my homework. Will I have to stop leaving my books interleaved with bookmarks obviously unread.

Perhabs doing my homework will brighten me up for a change. I have recently moved out. Today is the first day in which my mom and I moved into this new smaller condo. Anyhow, have I already mentioned My indecisive nature has led me to experience unplesant incidents. The only thing that can take a weight off my mind at this point is to face up to my responsibilities. Though, I am scared to do so after realizing how mulish I have been in my attempts not to snap out of my depression. Perhaps my sloppiness is what causud me to be in this situation. As I have mentioned before, perhabs being smacked on the face or being flicked by a wet towel by friend would have gotten me into gear. Besides, people may have grown all-in after hearing my melodramas. Much as that may be true, it is also true that once in a while I come up with outstanding ideas. If I were to turn in my assignments forthwith and be as responsible as I once was, I would not be having this problems. Did I listen to other people's advice. Thereupon, I am trying to look for excuses for what is happening to me now. It is normal to wake up on the wrong side of the bed if you know you have not carried most your duties. Still and all, I think it is a display of cowardice not to show up at school even if you know you have not been responsible. Whether or not I remotely want to be an upright citizen once more I have to start taking action. I can forget my dream of becoming a plummy teacher once in for all. Whatever I become though, I just hope turns out to be a decent job. What I determine to do now is what will bring me results in the future. All told, I cannot justify my behaviour neither by my sheltered upbringing nor by my irresolute manner.

Feeling better, I started out my day realizing someone had rifled  my man purse. Therefore I decided to miss out on the fun of going to the second session of a two-day conference regarding education I started attending yesterday. Anyhow, at least I got to  learn that in linguistics, there is a term called cognate, which basically means that one word has the same origin as another word or language. For instance, the word ¨Haus¨ in German is cognate with house in English. Besides, that I got to watch some English series. It may not have been a far-reaching idea not to attend the second session today. Even so, I never stop doing what I love which is immersing myself into English no matter what.  Ergo, there is that. Well also I was reminded by my dad that serotonin, which is called the happiness hormone can be secreted by constant exercise. I just hope I do not fail due to getting behind everyone in my class. You see not only am I not the fawned student anymore, I am also in trouble cause I have not caught up with my courses. Not to mention, I have lately been swallowing my doubts to the few classes I have attended. Despite all this, I hope that my accentuation on the positive dissolves my worries. Perhaps I might still be a little more advanced than my classmates regarding ESL knowledge. Be that as it may, I am positive not only that they will equate to it, but surpass it. It is a pity to me especially. Nonetheless, I led myself into this situation. To be hones the idiom ¨the lights are on, but nobody is home¨ applies perfectly to the way I am behaving right now. Practicing your second language is an essential concomitant for success on it, so is studying it. Nonetheless, since I have been doing the latter more than anything else, I hope I can still call myself a bilingual individual. No matter how I may be feeling right now though, I wish this post not to devoid of warmth. Further, one of the things I can do to fill better is to unearth my old diplomas. As well, I should guard against disease by having all my meals. To some extent, if I push myself out of the breaking point, I still can do something rewarding. Before, it was indispensable for me to be ahead of my pears in English. Now, it is important to me too. Still and all, I wish a miracle happens in my life that helps me be the way I was before and perhaps better. Among the things I have left to do are to grow a pair and play catch up at school.

What has been crimping my former performance as a good student is my attitude. Even so, there are people who have helped me realize how many opportunities I was missing out on. It is indeed hard for me to man up. Despite the fact that I am almost twenty two, I have been act as if I were five. I have always coveted the chance to get to have a peaceful and meaningful life. Be that as it may, only am I going to get to have it if I move on. I just cannot believe how supportive my teachers and friends are at times. Oftentimes, I think I should have gotten slapped by one of them so as to wake up. Anyhow, no matter how much I blow it, my fingers are always eager to get singed to write something new. I am sure that by now rumours at school that I have been turning myself in some sort of slowpoke are circulating at school. I guess that the solution to my problems will be both steeping myself in English once more and finally organizing my tasks. In fact, I hung my head in shame thinking how disappointed some of my teachers may be with me. Perhaps the fact that my mood keeps alternating between bliss and despair means I am crazy. The truth is my irresponsibility is what has caused me to feel this anxious. Besides, no matter how much I would like to wake up tomorrow and be in the past again. The odds of the aforesaid wish to happen are zero against a million. Facing up to your responsibilities is hard to do. Nonetheless, sooner or later I am going to have to do it.  Am I responsible for having wasted my time lately and avoiding school. Not to mention that I was also absenting myself from my gigs. It is unbelievable how easy it is to crumple up  and throw out what you have build up in your life as if it were a dirty paper overnight. Still and all, to reverse that situation is not as easy. I just hope it is not too late to reverse my situation and stop being a gutless individual who relies so much on his family to feel safe.

Lastly, I will end this post with the idiom: ¨If you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear¨ Perhaps, that explains why I had been skipping classes...

I cannot explain why I am so secretive, nor can I explain why I undervalue myself too much at times. What I now is that I dragged out my depression for so long that I was letting myself be consumed by it. Undergoing depression may not be easy. Nonetheless, if you slack off like I did, it gets worse. I used to rise to almost any challenge before. Now though it seems as if  I am not the same. Of course it has cost me dear to make so many mistakes lately. Besides showing up at college, I have to attend to my lessons. Because of my recent irresponsible acts my future now hangs in the balance. The progression of my learning may have been retarded. Be that as it may, I still believe I can balance it out with my willingness to learn. Perhaps my constant complaints have strained everyone´s patience. Not to  mentioned that I have sundered my own reputation. Though, still do I have some hope that I will redeem myself.  Everyone Knows my achilles´ heels are my indecisiveness and sloppiness. Notwithstanding, I intend to overcome these two. Before, my curiosity was the only thing that prompted me to research and constantly study. Now that I am not doing it anymore, I feel that I have to recover my confidence. To illustrate the aforesaid point: If I were to cost out all my posts right now, I would not have rated them very high; whereas in the past, I know I would have. By the way, by now you know I tend to use circumlocution. Well that has a lot to do with my personality. Anyhow, have I played truant quite enough already. As hard as it may it to me to recognize it, my behavior has regressed dramatically. It is up to me whether or not I change back to the way I was before. Was I able to read through a slew of novels without even blinking not long ago. Despite the fact that I have swept aside my friends´ advice, I hope I can let relief finally surge through me after I decide rightly once in for all. That is pretty much it for now. I do not want to wind up deriding my whole blog as a bunch of melodramatic stories.

The Secret FULL MOVIE Law Of Attraction

Once again I am writing a post. Actually, I am doing it so as not to forget my English. To  be honest, I must declare that I am not in a good situation regarding my studies; neither am I in a good situation regarding work. Anyhow, I have been boring you with my melodramas for so long that I am going to tell you about this movie called ¨The Secret¨ I just saw. You all may be familiarized with this didactic book, but a movie?. I had no idea it existed. I actually ran into this film on YouTube. In fact, I do not want to come off as a moralist. You see, you can count on the fingers of one hand the right decisions I have made lately. However, this video has indeed given me hope. Oftentimes, I think about how many offers of help I have turned down either due to arrogance or  foolishness. Besides, now that realize my problems will not sort themselves out, I intend to take action. For now, I have to cleave to the belief that I will get better only if I want to. Moreover, trying to be honest once more, I have realized too that at this point it is nearly impossible for me to catch up with my school work. Ergo, I have decided to take one step aside. However, some may argue it still might not be that late for me to step up to the plate. Nonetheless, doing the latter would require bending my efforts to something I do not think passionate about anymore. You see, I did wanted to become a teacher. Be that as it may, ever since this semester started, I began slacking off. Thus, aggravating my situation little by little.  It is true though, that I came across some mishaps. However, I just used them as excuses not to catch up on my studies and to sicken myself. Hence, now I feel trapped in a mesh of uncertainty. I started out this blog with the intention of using it as a platform to express my views especially on education. Though, now I feel ashamed of myself after looking back and recognizing the number of mistakes I have been making due to pure idleness. Nevertheless, there is nothing I can do to rewind my life. Not to mention I even disappointed that gentleman who wanted me to go in with him on his project. My anxiety may have drained away. Notwithstanding, now I have to deal with the consequences of my actions. Do I know my own foolishness has been addling my mind. That is why I feel the way I do now. For now, I must decide once in for all whether I drop out of school and what I am going to end up doing if I do so. Will I be able to work at full stretch in whatever I plan to do with my life from now on? I am no clairboyant. What I do know however is that I will have to find someone to bankroll any kind of venture I may have in mind.

Have I been on tenterhooks hoping the stuff I was dreaming away would come true. It seems as if my last post had serve as a palliative to my problems. You see I kind of relapsed after my last post. My comments may have become trite. Nonetheless,  am I still writing. It is not as if I was emotionally sterile. Though I was indeed demotivated. Perhaps what had been ailing my mind was my own attitude. You see, before I had broken in myself to exercise and study on a regular basis. I used to hunger for knowledge, to the point in which I was incapable of letting myself be in a bind. Have I not excuses to explain what came over me. I mean I have even had ideas that were going to serve as a springboard for me to succeed. However, I decided to procrastinate instead. Despite the fact that I have emerged from this depression, lots of stupidities have I done once more and I cannot wait to see what transpires. Nor can I turn apoplectic at myself and let my past actions rankle. Perhaps I just needed some tongue-lashing and to be enjoined by somebody to move on. Getting that nonchalant advice from the people around me did not make me wake up to reality. Was I ensnared in my depression once again. No pill or whatnot is going make me feel better if I do not have the conviction that I will.  Besides, my time travel dream is of course a pious hope. I have to prevent my mind from retracing my past dramas. Moreover, I cannot let anything  untoward that happened to me in the past be a excuse not to progress. Once in for all, do I have to go back to being  that pompous boy I once was. Not only do I have to be able to spring out of bed at 5 am every single day once again. This time, I need to have a plan. If I let more doubts surface inside me, only will I hurt myself even more. The only one who can design my blueprint for success is myself. The path to make something out of yourself may be onerous and grueling. It is so worth it though. Every single person on this Earth sustains suffering in order to achieve their goals. Do I hope that this time I do not just do nothing again after expressing my thoughts here. Wanting to be that omnivorous reader I once was, I also wish to develop other skills as well. After all I have done, I do not think there is going to be room for me to be supercilious. Be that as it may, I need my guts to impel me one more time to be secure for real.