I hope some day my melodramas get to be distilled into a book. I began to flourish again by the end of my last vacation. Nonetheless, my tendency to problematize my situation gets the upper hand at times.  My own attitude was starting to foretoken a sad outlook for me. Not only did I rebuffed invitations to go out with my own parents for instance, but also avoided answering my friends calls. My bedroom walls may be plastered with English phrases. Notwithstanding, if I do not get to practice them what is the point?. How do I expect to become an adroit educator someday if I remain secluded indoors wanting to be unsure of myself? To recast the aforesaid question, am I going to reprieve my own suicidal thoughts once in for all? Insteado of stopping my mind from racing each night, I should be out looking for a job. I tend to be a person who thinks too much on the what ifs. My brother on the other hand is a different kettle of fish. Besides, I think that my constant nagging are starting to grate on everyone´s nerves. Am I have been the one who has allowed my health to descend into a bad state. Ergo, my own actions are the only thing that can dispel my depression.

If I were a public figure, and were to get censured for my irresponsibility, I would have killed myself by now. I want to wake up every day and put on clothes that do not jar with each other once again. I want to make people laugh with my bon mots once more.  Further, I need to be the one I once was, but better. What is more, living in this godforsaken city requires you to keep your wits around you all the time. One of the things I have to start off doing one more time is prioritize my tasks.Do I wan to utter a few impolitic remarks regarding my stupidity. But it is not worth it to expose myself  to ridicule. There is one efficacious remedy that is going to change my life. It is believe it or not my own attitude.  Have I learned that feeling melancholic about myself is pointless. Jigging up and down or going in and out of the house like fiddler´s elbow is a waste of time. Do I have to learn to incentivize myself to carry on. If I want to become anywhere near as successful as the people I idolize, I am going to have to get into gear. I swear that from now on, I will comply with the binding promise I made to myself not to feel sorry for myself anymore. Was I missing out on a lot by crinkling my face with tears. I am going to refuse myself from feeling unfit to live anymore because I have not right to turn my dinky problems into a nightmare. Lastly, I have to confess that I would rather be extoled as a fighter by the end of my life than anything else.

If I had to adumbrate my life in the past few days, I would say the following: ¨Stupidity¨. Have I once again fallen into an unnecessary depression. If only I could just expunge my bad experiences out of my mind once in for all. Nonetheless, that is not possible. It seems as if my sense of reality had been in abeyance. At times, I end up being fazed and disconcerted by my own actions. Pulling a wry face at my action won´t help me. Besides , I never really swept away my doubts and insecurities. It has always been hard for me to give the ones who have hurt me a piece of my mind. Not to mention that I have been wasting my time pondering about my past once more instead of taking care of my duties. Further, everyone meets problems. Nonetheless, I tend to create more than the one I usually have. Have I though many times about the fact of making a wish and getting rid of all of my problems. Notwithstanding, I know that is not possible. I am not exercised about my future anymore. Due to the fact that I know I do not have one. Would I have wanted to conduct myself properly in each situation. However,  since I had a hard time during vacation, I neglected to make good use of my time. Ergo, I did not prepare before starting this semester. Always did I wanted to boast a supreme confidence. Unfortunately, I never had it. My unbroken silence around others will be my undoing. I was going to sacrifice my time on the altar of finishing my program on this college. Be that as it may, have I already screwed it up. I would suit me right to imagine that all I am experiencing right now is a nightmare. Further, being susceptible does not help either. As much as I would like to cultivate my confidence, do I know it is a little late. Despite the fact that my hopes have crumbled away, still am I 21 and I have to allow my mind to sheer away from the memories I do not want to remember. Instead of acting in a self'-deprecating way, I should be  looking for multifarious options to recover. If you were to benchmark my school work against my classmates´you´d be disappointed. I hope that subsequent to this writing I finally snap out of it.

Should I ideate a plan to calm myself down. Overpowering my bad thoughts is not easy for me. Have I let my private life impinge on my school duties. Nonetheless, am I trying not to draw back from staying at school. However hard it may be to do so, it is the only chance I still have to make something out of myself.  You see one of the problems I have with my English for instance, is that I did not learn it by osmosis. Instead, I studied a lot in order to improve all my skills. My social anxiety has prevented me from practicing my English with lots of English speakers. Sure, I do have a few American friends. However, I do not get to see them that much. Besides, I neglected to mention the fact that I used to hero-worship my bossy brother and that he disappointed me in a way for instance. Notwithstanding, by bearing a grudge against him am I only going to get sicker. Some bad experiences we go through may be indelible. Be that as it may, it is up to us whether or not to put them aside. It is imperative that I seek help. Being uncaring about my own affairs will only make me feel worse. Have I tried to reassure myself many times. Despite the fact that the program I am taking at school does not cater for all my needs, still do I think that it is better than doing nothing. There is a few things I have left to do: Deploy the little resources I have got, stop expostulating on my family´s shortcomings and look for one more kindred spirit,

Top 10 Best Time Travel Movies

I have been counting down to the day in which I would talk about time travel again. You see, since I am a regretful type of guy, I always consider the ¨what ifs¨. Anyhow, have I flipped through my time travel novels many times imagining that I could be one of the characters. Nonetheless, the idiom ¨beggars can´t be choosers¨ comes to my mind when I think about the past too much. No matter how many pangs of regret I experience, do I have to remain realistic. We all would like a time machine that would help us to dispose of most of out problems. However, in real life we do not have that. We can either spent the rest of our lives dissing ourselves for our past mistakes or move on. Have you ever been of base about an important decision? So what? To err is human. I myself have held back from speaking up against my kin´s opinion many times. However, I learned that you have to stick by your decisions. Especially the ones you make early on in life. Whatever your parents or whomever else tell you does not matter whatsoever. If you do not want to do what they tell you to do, then tell them to mind their own business. Teenagers should not be refrained from their passions. Well nobody should. We have to learn to stand up for ourselves. Anyhow, I think I am going off on a tangent. Regarding the the time travel topic, I will be posting a video from ¨Watch Mojo¨, which is a very interesting  site. They make Top ten videos about pretty much everything. This time, I watched one about the best  Time travel movies. Could you imagine being let into your past without being ticketed?. Jokes aside, I think it would be impossible to have a time machine in the foreseeable future. For now, do not let anyone trip you up.

Being in the doldrums after a disappointment is understandable. Nonetheless, life goes on and we have make the best out of it. Have I been had many disappointments, especially with my kin. Anyhow, it is up to you whether or not you want to get stuck in  a rut. Personally, I try to overcome my shyness every single day. Despite the fact that I have not made capital out of each beneficial chance I have run into regarding education for instance. I have learned to live with it though. To be honest, this blog is my magnum opus. Notwithstanding, I did not created it to make money, but for the sole purpose of practicing my English. Besides, after a year and a little more of writing here, have I realized how much I have improved since then. In order to write a single post, I need to get my inspiration from something that can provide me with a cornucopia of ideas, such as a book. You see, I do my research online as well; but for some reason, still do I find books more interesting. Some may find a pain in the rear to wake up as early as I do to write stuff. Be that as it may, I find this blog a pressing task I must attend to as soon as I get up. I think this is my strong suit. May I have not have a magnetic personality, but I am still a good writer. Further, I do not find this site as painful  as the backlog of work I get sometimes from general knowledge courses at school. By the way, I got to have another chat with Roland (The gentleman I met on the bus last Thursday) again. Since, I am trying to surround myself with English, I try meeting people like him so we can exchange ideas. Anyhow, I am not going to let this blog ensnare me one more minute. Due to the fact that I have to get to school. Hope the assorted ideas I picked for this post work in concert with what I am trying t to explain. Will I not bore you next time.

The Most Beautiful Way To Stop A Bully I've Ever Seen

Bullying... one of the things I too have had to overcome while growing up. No matter your social status, lots of children do not speak up against this. Dealing with this problem with equanimity is hard for more than one. I know what if feels like to have an anxiety bordering depression on  due the abuse of a few folks. Besides, have I seen injustices even from school principals in which they defend the aggressor instead of the victim. Most of the time, people who do bad deeds have to count the cost of their actions. Nonetheless, some other times  they do not. We know for a fact that there are different kinds of bullying: At work, in school, etc. Further, we also know that there are recalcitrant people we have to deal with every day. It may be due to our work, routine, among others. Ergo, we have to be smart in each situation.  Back to school settings,  we should make sure unfair decisions made by people in authority must be contested. Furthermore, troublemakers who refuse to change should be weeded out as well. Despite the fact that I have already talked about this topic, I wanted to reinforce what I had already said. Not to mention, that nowadays the word has spread even more to prevent this epidemic to stop. Not only in countries such as the US, but also in the third world. Anyhow, I also wanted mention that I ran into this TEDtalk on bullying. This poet, Shane Koykszan seems to have kept his fingers on the pulse of what it means to withstand bullying. Since I am majoring on education, it is also my responsibility  to be aware of this issue. Not that I am going to work my fingers to the bone to solve it alone. Be that as it may, at this juncture of my life. I think it would work well for me too to express what I believe orally as well as in writing. Lastly, I would like to say this talk will surely buoy up your spirits. Shane also highlights what it means to grow up being misunderstood by adults. For instance, I remember my family apart from private colleges visiting my school, ultimately encouraged me to make the wrong decision about what I wanted to become at an earlier point in my life.

Recently, did I heard the phrase ¨silence is the residue of fear¨ on a TED talk. Sometimes, it is hard for us to speak up or say no. If I had to reverse myself on something I have not been doing is that. Besides, I have realized that in order to write better, I need to be in communion with reality. Yesterday, did I have a good day despite some little mishaps. Finally, did I decided to come out of my shell after a while. I got out of my comfort zone and went out of home to speak to some tourists. Even though Miraflores, which is one of the places I am used to go to do that, is  far from my house, it is worth it to spend some time there once in a while. Anyhow, I talked with some American girl I saw in one the main squares of Miraflores. I approached her cautiously and we chatted for a while. After we exchanged information, I left to the bus stop. I did not expect anything unusual from getting on one of the crowded Lima buses. Nonetheless, I was in for a surprise. As soon as I sat on one the shared seats of the bus, this man started talking to me. His name was Rolland, he started out the conversation because he saw that I was reading an English novel. I did tell him that I spoke English and we chewed the fat for a bit. Not only did he pepped me up, but he also made me realize that life is too short for regrets. This good sir had been living 30 years in the States before he came back to Peru. He told me some of his stories serving in the army for instance. Despite the fact that the bus was really jam-packed, we still could share some ideas with each other. I did leave him my card. Even so, if I do not see him again, our talk will serve as an inspiration for me not to give up. I may be a lone wolf in a city full motley groups of people. Nonetheless, it does not mean I cannot prevent myself from retreating into my room and have some fun.

I have kind of woke up early against my will. Even though my last actions have thrown a wrench into my plans, it does not mean I cannot correct my situation. Recently, have I exchanged rooms with my mom in my little condo. I just thought a small change would invigorate myself. Time marches on so fast that it is scary sometimes. Ergo, from now on, I swear I will commit myself to finally work on my self-confidence and on deepening my knowledge of English even more. No matter how many times I have to plug away at methods to make myself more confident. Have I been roughhousing my conscience over who is right about my true worth. Still do I not understand how painful it is for a person to dredge up their own bruising experiences all the time. To me, our destiny is not foreordained by fate, but by our own decisions. Whether or not we want to rise to prominence is up to us. You know, maybe if I had been steeping myself in something productive rather than brooding over my past, I would have felt better by now. Have I also learned that even though heuristic learning is important, team work also helps when it comes to bringing off tough tasks. Anyhow, I think I have exhausted the topic about pondering over my wrenching experiences. I just have to snap out of them and move on. Besides, keeping my own counsel is painful at times. The premise that humans are social creatures fits perfectly in my situation. How can I expect others to help me if I do not tell them how I feel. It chills me to think about the future. However, my tension has fallen off. What is more, my disrepaired mind has got a hang of what it is to think positively. Sometimes I forget I still am young enough to bring off rough challenges. In the same way businessess bring in new customers, I have to fill myself with positive energy. To accomplish that though, I will have to wrench my mind back to the present.

Have I made capital of my friendship with my  ESL teacher friends? Not at all. Maybe, due to the fact that I mainly have contacted them through Facebook. Have I got to chat with a friend until I got it out of my system. No I did not. By the time I talked to my best friend I done so with my folks. Being a blogger invests me with a air of gloom. Besides, I have studying as an uppermost task. Ergo, sometimes I stress myself out during vacation. Even though suicidal thoughts still hang over me,  I manage to generate good ideas. When I started out this blog, it was meant to give advice. Not to tell you my melodramas. However, due to the fact that I tend to seclude myself too much at times and that I have had no motivation to drive me on recently, indeed have I let depression take the best of me. They say that fortune favours the brave; nonetheless, I have been more worried about dragging up my past each time I could. Had I been targeting my criticism at my kin so much, that I was going to have to beg to have a prison sentence for psychological abuse remitted. Anyhow, do I know I should invest my time better. School is about to start and should leave the past behind. I do not want  to hear from someone: ¨I hate to break it to you bro, but you killed your mom with your constant nagging¨. You see, she is the one I am living with now, and I have been driving her nuts. Did I mention that I come from a dysfunctional family and I never had it hammered into me that I should never give up?. Well, that counts too. Perhaps I tend to pile on drama. Perhaps, I have been piling on pounds too due to not having excercised for a while now. Despite having people heap praise on me during my toughest times, I seem not to believe it. Have I been wasting my time invoking angels in my dreams instead of focusing on my present. Further, I know it takes constancy to get through school. That is why I cannot keep feeling sorry for myself. If I ever want to be to be touted as an exemplary teacher by my professors, I will have to do my part.

I may have been economical with the truth when I said I was trying to get better. In fact, apart from complaining, I was not doing much. Should I trace my insecurity to its roots? Well, I just want to control it. To be honest, I was so repentant about the stupidities I had been doing recently that I tried to contact an angel in my dreams. You see, back when I was 9, I was about to go to movies with my mom. However, while we were on the way, I dropped my jacket.  When we finally got to the bus, I started crying. Five minutes after the accident though, an elegant man in his car  began waving at us. I saw him from the bus and immediately got the jacket he threw at me. Did I staged a comeback in my positiveness after that happened. However, now that I have been stunting my own progress, I do not see him around. To me he was an angel indeed, am I not trying to package lies as facts. Anyhow, last night I was trying to contact him in my dreams. Notwithstanding, I got disappointed when I didn´t reach him. His sole presence would forward my  bad mood. Maybe, I have to face the fact that perhaps our mind plays tricks with us. Even though that experience summons up memories from my childhood, perhaps it was just a good guy who helped and not an angel. Nonetheless, I do not know how he could get my jacket and reach the bus in five minutes. Cherishing pleasant memories such as that one is healthy. Notwithstanding, what I had been doing was to ponder over my worst mistakes. That alone was making me sick. It is poppycock to think the just by dreaming away stuff one will make it happen. Do I realize I had been a balky folk all along. Instead of behaving such a restive young man, I was feeling sorry for myself. Untoward events happen all the time. Even so,  making them happen is a sin. Lastly, I would say that I should start nourishing my talents once again. Apart from teaching, I am good at singing. That is another string to the bow, right? If I were to apply myself, I could even sing for a living in the future. Rather than adding fuel to the fire by acting out of impulse, I should concentrate on my day to day activities. Despite the fact that this has been the worst vacation of my life, do I know that I caused disquiet to myself. At least I can say I learn something out of it.

It doesn´t matter how much time passes by, I cannot evade my responsibilities.  Whether I want it or not I need to straighten myself out. Not only that it seems as if I needed to face my evil self down. To be honest, I have done my part to get better. Even though I had been going through an economic upheaval, there was no reason for me to behave the way I did. Getting apoplectic at my past won´t change a thing. If I do not want to end up as an emaciated folk, I will have to forget about my past. After being buffeted by my own impulsiveness, I have realized I have to think things through I like I used to do before. Looking back at how I handled my recent problems dismayes me. Nonetheless, none of those mistakes is irreparable. Besides, I was even considering suicide as the only avenue to relieve my pain. Notwithstanding, it seems stupid now that I think about the fact that I hurt myself by acting so hastily. I myself shattered my self-confidence. Ergo, the only way to get it back and alleviate my anxiety  is to look forward. Things didn´t go my way not due to mischance, I know that now. Anyhow, I cannot shelve any other plan I already have. Do I need to get back  to doing the things that entranced me the most. However, I need to nurse myself back to health first. Have I got advice of the highest utility, I just have to take action. It is hard to deprecate my own actions. Be that as it may, there are rules to go by and steps you must go through to achieve success. Remember, if you do not deal with your past problems accurately, they can catch up with you.

If experience is anything to go by I should be a genius by now. However, that is not the case. The best way of preventing problems is to forestall them. Nonetheless, I have been bringing them to myself. I can start on for as long as I want why I am in this situation. The truth is that your mind can assault your senses as much as loud music. Instead of perpending what to do from now on, I should just do something. Supplementing my studies by taking a part time job rather than gigs would do the trick. Not only do I have to put money aside each month, I actually have to use it for something productive. I will have to renew the promise I made to myself:  My own attitude has been snarling my my progress. No matter how put off I am with myself. I am sick of forbearing from benefiting myself by being more assertive. The only thing I have been doing in the past few weeks is nursing a grudge against my own kin. Air my grievances at them all the time will only sicken me. I need a new lease on life. In order to accomplish that, I will have to stop dumping my problems on my family. Besides, with an equable temperament and positive mind, any situation can be turned around. There is an old adage that say: It is never late to learn. That should be my motto. The only one who can mollify myself is I.  Do I not need any more lenient treatment. Perhaps I had been inflating the significance of my issues. Fear feeds on insecurity. What do I need to wake up? Is it a flagon of wine or perhaps to have sent smoke signals. I think neither of them. Instead of letting my patience snap for nothing, I must take action. After all, I live in a city where the is shortage of things to do.

Something is weighing on my mind. Perhaps it is  the fact that time drags by so fast that you cannot even decide wisely at times. I wonder if I ever going to be able to enter the educational fray without faltering. I may not be a soothsayer, but I can predict a slight hope of recovery for me. My current health condition may have been proceeded from my family´s abuse. Even though I am 21, I have not lived at all. On occasion, you can feel worse than if you had been pelted with stones. Besides, it staggers me that I had been stupid enough to pander to my kin´s every wish. You make think, I must be nuts for not having stamped out my depression myself by moving out. It is not that easy though. Tears streaked my face when I think about how I have messed up so many times. To be honest, I do not know what can placate me now. Looking forward to something positive is the best thing I can do. The few achievements I´ve got are not unrepeatable. Even so, I need to get back on my feet first. They have told me that thinking about the past can reinfect myself. In fact I think that is what has been holding me back. Maybe I can start over by variegating my life with new responsibilities. Do I hope it is not too late for me to be able to pull my face at my problems and move on. My vicissitudes have to spur me to succeed and not otherwise.

I know I have to turn over a new leaf. Just like a bus disgorges people each stop, I have to get rid of all the bullshit I have in my head. Now that I think back to the things I have done, I realize how foolish I had been. Trying to ascertain why I behaved the way I did in the past is not going to change it. One example will suffice to illustrate my point. Last Monday, I had an argument with an annoying aunt who happened to be visiting my mom that day. Instead of confronting the problem, I ran away. I ended up in a far away cafe playing around with my phone. After that I tried unsuccessfully to talk to some tourists. Then, I went over to my dad´s to find out that his car was braking down. Even so, I accompanied him to the repair shop. Despite the fact that I was close to home, I decided to hang with him a little more. When I finally got back home I was I scourged by my conscience. It must have been due to the fact that I was not thinking straight. Some bad things did I do such as blaming my aunt on the phone for the bad day I had had. Was I having a lump in my throat for no reason. The only reason for things going wrong that day was my inability to keep my temper. Problems should bring out the best in me instead of the worse. I can keep beating myself up over what happened or I can move on. My own attitude set back my progress. Ergo, I recommend you nip your issues in the bad in order to avoid what I did. Anyhow, getting rid of my shyness once again is one of the things I must do.  Breezing in on a stranger and saying hi may not be as hard as I thought it was. I should have got raked over the coals for my actions. Nonetheless, I got away with my act of crass stupidity. It is up to me whether or not I want to keep being a wishy-washy person. Not only should I be able to spark up conversations with new people, but also I must keep looking for chances. Some companies may reserve the right to refuse admission. Notwithstanding, if I keep thinking negatively I will not get a new job. Maybe I have a breadth of reading. Be that as it may, I may forget all I know if I do not put it into practice. In due time will I achieve my goals. For now, I will have to organize my time as well as I put money aside for a rainy day. Not only must the way I act be a badge of confidence for me, but also my accomplishments.

God helps those who help themselves. However, I had not been doing my part. Whether or not I gear up for the new challenges ahead is up to me. I was onto a good thing with my perseverance. Nonetheless, my stress screwed me up. If I were to effect a cure for my depression, I would say that only I have the key to stand up and move on. For some reason I lost my confidence. Well, I have to get it back. Maybe I had been fettered by  my family´s control. Perhaps they did overstep their authority. Notwithstanding, not only am I not letting go of the past, but also I am hurting myself. A friend of mine told me about a therapy that consisted on writing down negative stuff that bothers you on a paper. The thing is that ripping that paper up  relieves your anxiety. Nonetheless I did not listen to her. I regret that now. Be that as it may, just like bones fuse together as they heal, one can also get better from any situation. I cannot go through life effecting a calmness I do not feel. I also learned that bearing rancour or a grudge against somebody  damages the soul. May I have been dissipating my time. Though, it is never to late to learn new things. My emotions started out veering between fear and anger this week. I realized that being pugnacious towards my folks was not the answer. I have been a martyr to my nerves for so long. Even though we cannot lump all people´s personalities together, we all share the same weaknesses. It is just that some overcome them much faster than others. Crisis should bring out the best in me and not the opposite. If I ever want to gain ground, I am going to learn to behave. Only now do I grasp the importance of cooperation. I just have to stop being racked with guilt and carry on. My willingness to succeed cannot collapse. Only because my temper slipped out of gear one time does not mean I should give up. No matter how many chances I let slip in the past. There are so much more waiting for me. Have I not lost my grip, I just got a little confused. What happened to me can only be pinned down as a mild depression. I would beseech a genie to grant me my ultimate wish. Since the do not exist though. I will just keep going. This taciturn boy has decided not to spin out his worries any longer. Any feeling of gloom can evanesce with a little optimism.

Lastly, I have realized that karma is punishing me for my actions. If  I want to dispose of my problems, I am going to have to forget about my past mistakes. No matter how stupid they were. I am the caretaker of my own self. Besides, I know there will be opportunities that will afford me to get my confidence back. Instead of muting my anger and carrying on, I had been doing the opposite. The only one who can decide whether to play myself out or not is myself. Further, I know I have to hang loose. Nonetheless, I also know that I still think about the fact that sometimes I tend to learn things later than I was supposed to. If I ever want to build up a successful career and ensure my freedom, I am going to have to work hard. My last comment my savour of hypocrisy, given the fact that I have been wasting time feeling sorry for myself. Anyhow, I have also realized I could take advantage of  the same energy I use in blazing up to do something productive, Perhaps if I apply myself someday I would even be able to blaze a trail in the field of education. Have I been sabotaging my own life. Yes, I indeed I have. Have I already discharged my duties. No I have not. Depression stifles the accomplishment of many things. No decision is so ruinous that does not allow you to get back on your feet. No one can fault my passion to learning. However, something I am not proud of is in fact my inability to interact with people sometimes. Perhaps I have been flagellating myself with guilt. Maybe I need to become a tough minded individual. If I want to luck out sometime, I will have to go out there and try to be more outgoing. Something I need to do pronto is to recalculate my time. I have got a lot of raw data in my mind that needs to be sorted out. Instead of contemplating my future, I have to focus on my present. I am going to have to let go of all the crap I have inside. Whether or not I want to keep plying my pen skillfully is up to me. I can keep playing the wronged son or I can make something out of myself. I am positive most of my ideas hang together. Moreover, I do not need to orchestrate a master plan to achieve my goals. I just have to tough it out and do not let bad thoughts hang over me. If you thought I was a loser, I am going to have to set  the record straight and disagree with you guys.

You have no idea how much  I would have liked to wake up earlier today. Even though I set my alarm at 5 am, I just could not wake up.  I feel like if I had been pilfering time from my vacation.

Some recent hardships have punctured my confidence. That is why I also feel kind of jumpy. I just hope my tension drops away. My emotions spill over sometimes when I don´t get what I want. You Know, recently, I have been watching this series Smallville to the  point in which I cannot stop. Due to this I have ducked out of being responsible. I mean nobody can multitask without paying attention to every single thing they do. It pains me to realize how immature I have become. If I were to squeak to get better, it will be due to my will. However, since I think too much about the past, I do not know if I will be able to laugh off my mistakes. I have always hankered after success. Nonetheless, due to my family´s constant coddling, I was not able to achieve much. Believe it or not I am still wavering between staying alive and killing myself. I am not piling on drama. I really think my situation cannot get better. Besides the fact that I have to many inhibitions about talking to others, I think so many people have disappointed me. I do not know whom I should be steering clear of. I have always considered myself a naive and shy guy who vacillates over everything. Ergo bearing up for me in a tough situation seems impossible. I know that how you perceive yourself is more important than how others perceive you. I feel like if I were in some kind of nightmare from which I cannot wake up. I just wanted to leverage my time on my vacation. I wish I just had run into a duck soup I could easily solve. So far my family has infringed my freedom rights. Further, I have not been able to vent my anger on them. I mean I kind of have lately, but so many times I have remained silent. What has blunted my enthusiasm for life is my inability to act in any situation. Maybe my mind is acting up. The truth is that in my state, I doubt I could be able to square away any project. I feel as if I have been deflected from achieving my goals. I cannot even feel ambivalent about my state of mind. I always wanted to be a blowhard. Now I think I will just end up being a dead man. Incommensurable differences such as being depressed or not play an important role in a person´s health. Not even if I were to spill out my troubles to anyone at this point would help me.

It seems as if nothing can content me lately. Depression has stricken me again. By the way, did I mention that I am on vacation?. I´ll get back to school on the 11th. Anyhow, even though I am not exactly a malcontent, it does bother me the situation I am in. I mean, making a bad decision can set off a series hassles. The problem is I sometimes do not decide to do anything relevant to improve my status. I may come across as a shy guy who needs to be drawn out at times; nonetheless, I try hard not to be that way. Anyhow, I know that sweating the small stuff can in aggravate your problems even more. However, people get mad when the things they are aiming to do go wrong. Besides, not exactly do lucky experiences have been happening to me lately. I know I have to be patient. Moreover, yesterday I was reading about a condition called ¨anhedonia¨, which psychologists call the inability to find pleasure from the activities you used to find enjoyable. Withdrawing into yourself will only exacerbate your situation. No matter what you are going through. The best thing to do  is to get it together. To be honest, my parents never initiated me into a life of independence. I had to learn the hard way. Regarding my studies, despite the fact that I have attended several colloquiums on English teaching, I have not become a great teacher already. What I am trying to say is that the only way to improve your skill is by trial and error. Notwithstanding, it does help to get advice sometimes. Further, I have also realized there is not a manual on how to live either. That is why, one has to find their own way even when this means stepping out of their comfort zone. I do not know what the future holds for me. Be that as it may, I will do my best to cheer myself up. You just have to take it on the chin on occasion.