Lastly, I have realized that karma is punishing me for my actions. If  I want to dispose of my problems, I am going to have to forget about my past mistakes. No matter how stupid they were. I am the caretaker of my own self. Besides, I know there will be opportunities that will afford me to get my confidence back. Instead of muting my anger and carrying on, I had been doing the opposite. The only one who can decide whether to play myself out or not is myself. Further, I know I have to hang loose. Nonetheless, I also know that I still think about the fact that sometimes I tend to learn things later than I was supposed to. If I ever want to build up a successful career and ensure my freedom, I am going to have to work hard. My last comment my savour of hypocrisy, given the fact that I have been wasting time feeling sorry for myself. Anyhow, I have also realized I could take advantage of  the same energy I use in blazing up to do something productive, Perhaps if I apply myself someday I would even be able to blaze a trail in the field of education. Have I been sabotaging my own life. Yes, I indeed I have. Have I already discharged my duties. No I have not. Depression stifles the accomplishment of many things. No decision is so ruinous that does not allow you to get back on your feet. No one can fault my passion to learning. However, something I am not proud of is in fact my inability to interact with people sometimes. Perhaps I have been flagellating myself with guilt. Maybe I need to become a tough minded individual. If I want to luck out sometime, I will have to go out there and try to be more outgoing. Something I need to do pronto is to recalculate my time. I have got a lot of raw data in my mind that needs to be sorted out. Instead of contemplating my future, I have to focus on my present. I am going to have to let go of all the crap I have inside. Whether or not I want to keep plying my pen skillfully is up to me. I can keep playing the wronged son or I can make something out of myself. I am positive most of my ideas hang together. Moreover, I do not need to orchestrate a master plan to achieve my goals. I just have to tough it out and do not let bad thoughts hang over me. If you thought I was a loser, I am going to have to set  the record straight and disagree with you guys.