You have no idea how much  I would have liked to wake up earlier today. Even though I set my alarm at 5 am, I just could not wake up.  I feel like if I had been pilfering time from my vacation.

Some recent hardships have punctured my confidence. That is why I also feel kind of jumpy. I just hope my tension drops away. My emotions spill over sometimes when I don´t get what I want. You Know, recently, I have been watching this series Smallville to the  point in which I cannot stop. Due to this I have ducked out of being responsible. I mean nobody can multitask without paying attention to every single thing they do. It pains me to realize how immature I have become. If I were to squeak to get better, it will be due to my will. However, since I think too much about the past, I do not know if I will be able to laugh off my mistakes. I have always hankered after success. Nonetheless, due to my family´s constant coddling, I was not able to achieve much. Believe it or not I am still wavering between staying alive and killing myself. I am not piling on drama. I really think my situation cannot get better. Besides the fact that I have to many inhibitions about talking to others, I think so many people have disappointed me. I do not know whom I should be steering clear of. I have always considered myself a naive and shy guy who vacillates over everything. Ergo bearing up for me in a tough situation seems impossible. I know that how you perceive yourself is more important than how others perceive you. I feel like if I were in some kind of nightmare from which I cannot wake up. I just wanted to leverage my time on my vacation. I wish I just had run into a duck soup I could easily solve. So far my family has infringed my freedom rights. Further, I have not been able to vent my anger on them. I mean I kind of have lately, but so many times I have remained silent. What has blunted my enthusiasm for life is my inability to act in any situation. Maybe my mind is acting up. The truth is that in my state, I doubt I could be able to square away any project. I feel as if I have been deflected from achieving my goals. I cannot even feel ambivalent about my state of mind. I always wanted to be a blowhard. Now I think I will just end up being a dead man. Incommensurable differences such as being depressed or not play an important role in a person´s health. Not even if I were to spill out my troubles to anyone at this point would help me.