I cannot change the past as much as I would like it to happen. Nonetheless, I still can make decisions that will switch my life around for a change. Not exactly do I have to make a bucket list, even though I feel as if I might perish sooner than I thought. Besides, I know that upcoming problems can be forestalled by starting to take action. Be that as it may, my confidence is something I am trying to regain. Irrespective of the fact that my options have tapered off, I still think I can at least try to keep my cool and stop assaying my situation. Despite the fact that it will not be easy for me to feel better with myself after all of the mistakes I have made, I still can find some internal peace by trying to commune with nature and pray a little. In the face of the fear I may be feeling right now, I must carry on and make up my mind on the spot. Moreover, I cannot let my fears detract me from the joy I can get out of doing the things I like the most. Perhaps I have always had the inalienable right to decide my own future. Still and all, I have always let others boss me around. Ergo, it is time for me to decide what is best. Otherwise, it may be too late tomorrow. Not to mention that I have procrastinated enough already. You see, have I been dilatory in deciding to do things such as applying for jobs or whatnot on account of my shyness. However, it is time to snap out of my folly behaviour and do something. Further, I do not think I will be able to be haughty enough so as to disdain others anymore. May my mind be overrun by negative thoughts now. Be that as it may, I have had enough of it.  Furthermore, I should not keep pulling back from doing things that would benefit me out of fear for the rest of my life. In so far as I know, it will not be enough to remain abeyant. I must proceed with my life regardless of what I have done thus far. Everyone tried to drag me out of the brink of depression. Even so, I did not listen. Anyway, not to be in suspense for  me is something that is actually not normal. Thus, the need for me to do something meaningful once and for all. In my dreams I could indeed suspend disbelief. However. in reality, I must deal with the mess I have caused. My matchless skill to do things wrong can only go so far. Bringing up the rear, I would say that tomorrow I will find out whether or not I will end up being an apostate or not by attending the church I had been longing to visit for years. It is going to be a good way to leave doubts behind. What is more, I may finally be able to get those feelings of curiosity off my chest.