Had I never felt more entrapped in my entire life than I do now. Watching it flounder from the sidelines makes me sick. Not anymore is this the only reason for it the negativeness affixed to my mind. Is it so abstruse for my own flesh and blood for instance to  comprehend how much pain they have caused me? I do not seem to get a bang out of anything anymore. Besides, what is the point of plodding on through an uncertain  and dangerous path as vulnerable as I feel. If only a few bastards had not muscled in on my business, I would not have been on this situation right now. Not to mention that no matter how many times I tried to steal a march on the rest; the control of my kin would ultimately hindered my progress. Am I groping for the right words to describe how I feel right now. Further even if I shook down my room for something to read so as to look for a diversion, I would not do it. Mainly owing to the  fact that I lost my drive to learn. Have I got hot under my collar thinking about how much time I have been wasting. Perhaps I did not see the forest for the trees; then again I know now that there is nothing I can do that is going to ever change how bad I feel right now. How could I have not become a grouch after all I have been through. Furthermore, the welter of information I have to research not only to catch up with my studies, but also to look for other options drags me down. There is a chasm of difference between the average successful folk and me at this point. I might as well consider the shabby way I have been treated by most people throughout my existence as the reason why I ended up like this. May it be hard to translate words into feelings. Still and all, have I been pulling it off for some time now. In conclusion, I would say that perhaps if confidence had been implanted in my mind from an early age, things would have been way different. Notwithstanding, that was not the case. Moreover, it is self-evident to see that a single decision can change your whole life and a few insults can destroy a person if they are down in the dumps.