Perhaps if I knew how to turn my situation around I would be fine. Even so, to be honest after I absented myself two more days it is in fact too late to think in a comeback. Even if I new the content of each course inside-out I still would be out. Ergo, I must face up to my responsibilities and see what I can do from now on. I cannot afford to keep behaving as if I were a puerile boy.

Besides, it is indeed fallacious to think that I can magically undo the mistakes I have made thus far. Was the reason for my apparent undoing my inane thinking? Well, I would say that it was in lieu the fact I let my emotions control me. Moreover, it is not that I relied on unsound methods to accomplish my goals, it is just that I did not do enough. May I have been a good student who occasionally used to get some gigs.

Still and all, I actually never got to have a stable job, nor was I in a stable relationship. Thus, even though I am about to turn 22, I have not only disappointed myself, but also every one else quite badly. Irrespective of what I had accomplished in the past, I let my depression get the best out of me. Not to mention that I wasted so much time feeling sorry for myself. It seems ludicrous to think that a person such as me who claims to love English would throw away perhaps the only opportunity he had to become an English teacher. Nonetheless, there is no reason for someone who gets overwhelmed by his fears.
 

The unholy effects that can be caused when your emotions have the upper hand are countless. May have screwed the chance to remain in school. Notwithstanding, it does mean I should wind up like a lumbering idiot. The finality of my recent decisions falls on me. Can I no longer let my insecurities trample me and pray for a new chance to come along.
 

PS.  I  have not forgotten about the post about Christianity, I will soon write it down.