One more year has gone by in which I do not go to a Halloween party, nor did I join that religion I was talking about the other day. It seems as if I never plan the stuff I am going to do in the future. We all know that only your actions are the ones that provoke results. Nonetheless I have not been following the aforesaid line myself. By pulling out of my responsibilities and being afraid have I only aggravate my situation. Despite the fact that I have always been sort of tongue-tied to be honest, at least I had a drive to carry on before. Nonetheless, it seems as if that drive is long gone. I unfortunately adhered to the idea that I my English was not good enough and so I stopped looking for opportunities and trying to progress. I mean, even my mom has interceded on behalf of myself with the dean of my school so as to help me out. Nonetheless, some of the things I have experienced have depressed me to the point of not being able to think straight. Not to mention that I had been storing up my worries for so long before I started having nervous breakdowns. I realize now that I had saturated myself with negative thoughts. Thus, did I started to get sicker and sicker. Besides, it is a penance to do something only out of obligation. Ergo, perhaps going to a school in which most of the courses are in Spanish was not such a good idea for me after all, Nonetheless, it is also true that I lost several chances to go to conferences and whatnot due to my negativeness.  Hence, I have dashed my own hopes by behaving the way I have. If only I could rewind my life and wise up. The latter is possible though. Who has not wished for something miraculous to happen? Well I am one of them right now. Moreover, the fact that I have made an inordinate amount of mistakes makes me try to forget them. Irrespective of what has happened to me thus far I still think I can make up my mind and try to man up for a change. It all comes down to being honest with myself and the ones who surround me. Perhaps my family steered me to the wrong path in the past. Still and all, ever since I became an adult it has been my responsibility to face up to my actions. Therefore, even though I may not have done the best job taking care of myself, I at least made some decisions. Should start setting up an schedule and some plans if I ever want to snap out of this depression for real. Either that or I can start thinking on scrubbing down floors for a living. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Still and all, the problem with me is that I think too much about things and never start doing anything. Regardless of all the support from friends I got, I backslided into having a negative attitude.  Perhaps I was seeing pink elephants when I though that my dreams were going to come true was because I wanted them to . Notwithstanding it comforts me to keep dreaming stuff away sometimes. All in all, I hope I can finally decide wisely for once in my life and stop trying to hide from my problems. By the way it is axiomatic to say that only way in which my doubts can fall away is if I actually start making things happen. I just wanted to say that last remark and I will be making a list  of the things I have not got the chance to do yet before my birthday which falls on Wednesday.